Safe-Space Satanism

You might be one of those people who thinks hipsters ruin everything they touch. You might think that 21st century youth culture- once a cauldron of sex, style and subversion- has been neutered and blanderized and sucked dry of meaning, vitality and most of all, menace.

 If so, you may want to stop reading now.

Because the Borgcube has turned its attention to that last redoubt of rebellion, Satanism. And it wasn't even a contest; Ol' Scratch got crushed beneath the pulverizing tank-treads of the Snowflake Generation before the bell even rang. The Satanic Grotto is now officially a safe space:

Can the Satanic Temple Save America?
America’s new Satanists are less about animal sacrifice and more into ‘Paradise Lost’—and they may be our best hope for saving religious freedoms.
Wow, that's quite a claim. Tell me more about this crunchy Satanism...
Let’s be very clear about this: Adherents of the modern Satanic Temple don’t engage in religious or animal sacrifice, and they have no truck with magic, even the kind of low-key supernaturality embraced by some Christian denominations. 
Really? Then what's the point?
Satan, to these Satanists, is a literary figure, not a deity—he stands for rationality, for skepticism....
In other words, not actually Satan at all.
...for speaking truth to power, even at great personal cost.
Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure they'll be pissing all over the totalizing neoliberal narrative embraced by the corporate oligarchy, and the political, media and educational establishments. 'Cause, man, they're effin' Satanists and they don't give a shit.

Maybe tomorrow.

Let's take a look at how these fire-breathing hellions do ritual:
While Blackmore reads, two women and one man, all cloaked, file onto the stage. Each puts on a hood, and they lose the cloaks—except for the hoods, they’re naked, and the optics are a bit Abu Ghraib. A few heavily intoned passages later, Blackmore pushes up their hoods and pours wine into their upturned mouths. All three choke on the wine, which doesn’t make it seem less Abu Ghraib. The reading ends, the crowd shouts, “Hail Satan,” and the three devotees smash the wine glasses they’re holding on the ground. 
And that’s it. The ritual, Blackmore said, was written by the Detroit chapter and participation is entirely voluntary; it was “intended to empower guests to challenge arbitrary systems of authority, confront archaic traditions and celebrate the Satanic tradition,” she said. The ritual itself “represented concepts of shame, sexuality and normative religions traditions.” 
Wineboarding aside, the modern Satanic Temple is about as non-threatening as a group of devil worshippers can get.
So in other words, snakehandlers are about a million times more metal than these neckbeard Satanists. Hell, your standard-issue Pentecostals are a country-mile wilder than this crowd.
But that’s the point. Satanic Temple chapters across the country have been pushing back against the right-wing religious establishment, providing a vocal counterpoint to religious orthodoxy: like a planned statue of Baphomet next to a Ten Commandments monument at the Oklahoma state Capitol, or the Satanic-themed coloring book being distributed to Florida elementary schools—simple but persistent reminders that freedom of religion applies across the board, that laws or guidelines intended to protect or promulgate right-wing Christianity or to blur the line between church and state convey the same access to other creeds.
Oh, how daring. How forward. How fearless.

Will they do the same with religious groups that it's not socially permissible to dump on? Question answers itself, doesn't it?

That sound you're hearing is the shade of Anton LaVey screaming in despair from the depths of Tartarus.

In a nutshell has become your one-stop, uh, stop for Hipster Satanist info. When they're not posting Savile-worthy graphics on Twitter, they're filling in their rapidly-contracting readership on how to be a correct neo-Satanist.

The first thing you need to do is actually not be a Satanist:

The biggest take-away from what Satanism really is, is that Satanists do not worship Satan. They don’t even believe he exists. Satan is used more as a symbol of Satanists’ place outside of the boundaries of traditional religion, their rebellion against rigidity, and their distaste for the supernatural. 
Yes, because there's nothing supernatural about Satan. It's all literature. La la la.

Let's read more of this nonsense:
In fact, Satanists largely believe that religion can and should be separated from supernatural beliefs, as a religion should provide the framework for how to live a moral life with community and culture divorced from traditional superstitions. Their faith is in the tangible world, a materialistic view rooted in science and critical thinking.
So in other words, the most unhinged Fundamentalist fever dream has come true and the Atheist movement has evolved into Satanism. I have a feeling Richard Dawkins is grinding his teeth right about now.

But these Satanists who don't actually believe in Satan seem a bit confused in their cosmology. Here:

As the Eternal Rebel once defied the tyrant god, we too will rebel.
Defied the tyrant god when? You just said he didn't exist. And will you rebel against real power, real authority, real tyranny?

How about this, Satanists? Let's see what happens if you don't file your taxes this year. Come on, worshippers of the Desolate One. That's a small rebellion. See what happens when you write a big red "FUCK YOU" on your return. 

Let's see how rebellious you really are. 

Like this rebel, Apolloyn of the 'Church of Satan, Anarchist'. He's so rebellious he misspells 'Apollyon'. Why? Because praise Satan, you bourgeois pigs. That enough "why" for you?:
The individualist holds the view that even relatively moralistic social accountability mechanisms are still coercive breaches of individual sovereignty and indicate a culture of authoritarianism, but the collectivist holds the view that varying degrees of social accountability must be able to guide and uphold cultural standards of socially sustainable behavior to prevent the abuse of individual liberties- abuses which can result in injustices such as entrenched cultural inequalities and social stratification by the generation of extreme wealth and extreme poverty. Neither extreme individualism or extreme collectivism is a functional stand-alone philosophy or model for social organization. A balance must be struck between the two, but not a static balance. There must be flexibility and fluidity and opportunity for adaptation as to use individualist or collectivist tactics to resist authoritarianism. Neither individualism nor collectivism suffices to provide both free individual liberty and collective ethical justice- a diversity of tactics is required to meet the needs of the individual and the collective, and both philosophic positions can simultaneously, symbiotically coexist, complimenting and mutually benefiting each other to create functional, non-hierarchical, antiauthoritarian beings and cultures.
Wow, I actually do feel like I'm in Hell. Well done, Appollooyon.

Don't despair, legions of the Damned One. Your brethren and sisteren are out there, performing abominations and desolations in his infernal name adopting a highway.
Satanists are often natural aestheticians who revel in the grandeur of human artistic, architectural achievements while also often drawn to the idiosyncratic and bizarre that are all too typically misunderstood, feared, and discarded. 
With compassion, the Satanic Temple accepts all who are just and compassionate. 
They're using IndieGogo to raise money to adopt a highway, which would force the New York State Department of Transportation to erect a sign saying the Satanic Temple was responsible for the upkeep of a stretch of public highway for two years. Every motorist who passes by will see that Satanists are maintaining the highway. 
Once approved, the New York Department of Transportation will erect a blue-and-white sign acknowledging The Satanic Temple as the adopters of the designated piece of highway, helping promote a message of Satanic Civic pride and social responsibility.
When reading of the caffeine-free rites of the Neo-Not-Satanists, I can't help but think of the rites of Cybele, the Queen of Heaven in the ancient world, whose blood-frenzied priests would hack these not-Satanists to dogmeat just on account that they were so unspeakably lame.
Her mythical attendants, the Corybantes, were wild, half-demonic beings. Her priests, the Galli, castrated themselves on entering her service. The self-mutilation was justified by the myth that her lover, the fertility god Attis, had emasculated himself under a pine tree, where he bled to death. 
At Cybele’s annual festival (March 15–27), a pine tree was cut and brought to her shrine, where it was honoured as a god and adorned with violets considered to have sprung from the blood of Attis. 
On March 24, the “Day of Blood,” her chief priest, the archigallus, drew blood from his arms and offered it to her to the music of cymbals, drums, and flutes, while the lower clergy whirled madly and slashed themselves to bespatter the altar and the sacred pine with their blood.
This wasn't some demonic figure, this was the most revered mother goddess in the world, whose fame was such that even the chauvinistic Romans adopted her worship, allowing her to elbow their native Juno off the queenly throne.

The Galli would get so crazed during their rites they'd slice off their junk and throw it through some poor fool's window and keep right on truckin'. And that was on their high holy days. DeSade himself would blush.


There's no telling if this caffeine-free Satanism will dissipate like its antecedents or evolve into something entirely more serious. Whether they choose to admit it these safe-space Satanists are playing on the supernatural's turf now and the supernatural gets a vote on whether or not it's real, whatever the neo-not-Satanists want to think. And if you insist on being all rational and smarty-pants about it, just the simple power of suggestion is a lot more potent and insidious than people generally give it credit for being.

You take on the trappings of Satan, you call on his name, you don't get to choose what tags along for the ride. The same can be said for any number of entities but all the more so for the Prince of Lies.

Spiritual forces don't work on human timetables and they don't follow human rules. If they want to reach down and fuck you sideways but good, they'll do it on their own time. Probably when you least expect it.

So expect it.


  1. Great post! You nailed these jokers exactly where they need to be nailed.

    Muslims call modern Western civilization the “Dajjal System” because everything is being counterfeited and inverted in preparation for the arrival of the Dajjal (Antichrist/Imposter Messiah). So it's fitting that we now have counterfeit Satanism, which is the inverse of anything that could properly be called Satanic.

    LaVeyan Satanism was already a huge counterfeit of traditional Satanism, but now the Satanic Temple wants to complete the subversion by removing the nasty Nietzschean, irrationalist, social Darwinist aspects of LaVey's ideology. So now we basically have Richard Dawkins dressing in black robes and claiming to be a Satanist. Clearly we are living in End Times...

    By the way, this is why Order of the Nine Angles is the most influential Satanic group of recent times: they actually do believe in transgression, subversion of liberal civilization, black magick, traditional pagan tribal values, etc. In our age of total corporate PC pussification of everything, that's the real counterculture. Fuck Satanic Temple, and hail the real Satan!

    1. We keep expecting Muslims and others to assimilate to Western culture but what is there to assimilate to? This ridiculous Satanist movement isn't just sacrilegious it's doesn't even have the courage to be truly satanic. It's just more enervating pseudointellectual candyfluff. It rebels against nothing because its full of people who have been programmed since they were infants.

  2. Well done Chris. Both insightful and hilarious. Like this:
    "Wow, I actually do feel like I'm in Hell. Well done, Appollooyon."
    I had an interesting moment with the text you refer to there. It was so visually repulsive that I recoiled from reading it. Mildly curious about why, I then forced myself to a closer inspection. Way, way, way too many four and five syllable words - a sure sign of utter bullshit. No wonder the poor schmuck is "rebellious", he's been kissing academic ass from kindergarten through post-grad, I do suspect.

    1. Exactly my point. This is Teacher's Pet Satanism. My only hope is that it dies quickly of embarrassment.

  3. XD I needed a laugh this morning.

    Neckbeards have now proven that there is nothing they can't ruin. Gawd, is still even there? I haven't even looked at it in a year.

    Y'know, between the Neckbeard Skeptics, the Religious, the Right-wing, the Left-wing, the Douchebro-riche, and our Corporate media, I'm thinking Global Thermonuclear War - or the comet Graham Hancock talks about - isn't such a bad thing......

    1. Disinfo is still there, pissing all over the memory of when it was an important site. This satanist thing is the last nail in the coffin.

  4. Hell of a critique Chris. Hail Isis, queen of heaven. Dennis

  5. All cargo. No cult.

    (And Motown just ain't what it used to be...).

  6. "No cargo, no cult, English." XD

    What strikes me about Western religion, be it Xtianity, Atheism,Politics, or "Neosatanism" (:P) is that the practitioners feel they have nothing to learn, but *everything* to teach.

    For a chick like me, that's isn't good with Assumed Authority or at Getting With the Program, it all looks horrid and silly.

    1. Well, I feel your pain and this looks horrid and silly as well as empty and desperate.

    2. "Empty". I think that nails it Chris. So much of what these types do is empty. They have no respect, no regard, nothing to learn, and nothing to offer but snotty attitudes and snarky words that show their certainty that they are smarter than everyone else.

      They are contemptible.

  7. You gotta know that Satan is just the sort who will one day show up to one of these bloodless, anti-magical rituals and wreck utter havoc.

  8. "Satanic Civic pride and social responsibility". Wow, I don't know what to say. If it's possible to embarrass Satan, I'd say this would do it.

    1. A good friend of mine lived on the same block in SF as LaVey. And Jacques Vallee was very good friends with him, as we see in his diaries. He was actually a complex man- I wonder what exactly this Satanic stuff meant to him, or whether it was just his fork in the eye of the Aquarian zeitgeist. I can only imagine the howling despair he would feel at this abomination of a movement.

  9. Haha, this is effing brilliant, Chris. The acidity in this post – I love it. As always your words are full of insight and strength. You know, for a dude like me this type of post is particularly resonant. It’s one thing to see Lucifer in Paradise Lost terms - it’s a brilliant work of art and very powerful. It’s another thing to nullify the Adversary and then take his name. It makes me laugh, because if any of these fools even laid eyes on a single feather from a true fallen angel, let alone an entity itself, they’d go blind. Screw ‘em and their feeble play-dough cosmogony. They’ve never encountered real spiritual evil. Therefore they don’t really have insight, they have stances and soft-play areas. They’ve never been cut too deeply by anything even close to ‘demonic forces’. They have no idea what those scars feel like, or look like. It’s like people who write love-letters to serial killers in prison. Sharks don’t love you, moron. They eat you, from the moment you lock eyes with them. So before you try to appropriate Old Nicholas for some rebel rockstar retrofit, you better be certain that you know how to dance with sharks. And that’s just the entourage. Literature is dynamic and empowering, sure. But real Evil is ugly, believe me. It’s not sexy, or counterculture. It’s the ugliest thing you can imagine. It doesn’t matter what mythological or religious mask it happens to be wearing at the time. Hell is a feudal ghetto, a black-market, and if you want to survive there you better know how to speak the language – lest something ugly takes you apart without even blinking. These people don’t speak that language. They don’t even believe that world exists. Sugarcoma atheism, now with added hellfire. Here Be Monsters isn’t an invite, it’s a warning.

    1. Well, you and I being the X-Files geeks I can't help but see parallels here between this lot and the clowns in Die Hand Die Verletz. Satan exists- if nowhere else- as a motherfucker of a force in the Collective Unconscious and just from that vantage point he can do a lot of damage to these poor snowflakes. Who won't know what hit them, it must be said. People know my Lucifer hangup here- Lucifer is a title for liberating figures like Prometheus and Semjaza, even Jesus was called Lucifer- bringer of enlightenment- in the old Latin. These Satan berks are as bad as the bashers who think there's some "Luciferian" conspiracy behind the NWO when the mythology clearly shows that "Lucifer" was on our side against the elites and oligarchs and had zero-zip-zilch to do with the Biblical prosecuting attorney called the Adversary. You're spot on about the reality of Evil- it's a sick, sad thing that brings only misery. Most especially to those who call it on themselves

  10. *chuckle* Isn't it amazing how quickly cultures can spread, now? This 'Global Telepathy' thing is quite an amazing experiment...

    I'm enjoying your Initiation into a Neighbour -- I hope that when you finally become one, it's to your satisfaction and that you remember your humanity (and I wonder what your Area of Influence will be?)

    (your remarks on the Satanists remind me of other subcultures remarking on 'fluffy pagans', 'fish malks'. 'poseur goths' and such)

    (also, a good Russian friend of mine says in a good way that your blog reminds him of the old Soviet days, when they were fooling around with linguistics & ontologies...)

    Always fascinated by the different cultures I come across courtesy of the always-on world of Online

    Keep on keepin on

    1. I take that Soviet analogy as the deepest of compliments and hope to live up to it. In fact it's given me a benchmark to aspire to. Growing up in Reaganite America we were given this cartoon version of Russia that had nothing to do with what was really going on among intellectuals there. Never mind their deep fascination with the paranormal and so on.

  11. Nailed it Chris. Satanism as secular PC Leftism and subservience to scientific materialism and scientism - because it's just so rebellious apparently. Give me Richard Dawkins and even yes Christian evangelicals any time over these milksops, but that's where things are these days.

    You don't have to look far to see how this has come about, look at the schools, the universities, (has it ever been more pathetic and juvenile with the faux-outrage and utter stupidity and speech codes etc?) the media, the political circus etc.

    This is where we're at. It's the zeitgeist. Chilling I know.

    1. The System needs scapegoats for when the big old pyramid scheme crashes. Think about that when you look at what's going on out there with this bunch or in the universities.

  12. You do know that the "Satanist" in your video is just a comedic YouTube actor, right?

  13. You do realize you fell for a parody YouTube video right?

  14. I know exactly who he is and what he does. I put the video in because I thought the video was a perfect encapsulation of this ridiculous movement. Why did you think this was such a revelation that you had to post twice?

    1. Page refreshed as I pressed published, didn't think it went through first time as it didn't initially post. So I retyped my comment and pushed Publish again. So now there are two posts of the same revelation.

  15. I put this down to the influence of LaVey. His Satanic Bible is just a (FAR!) more entertaining version of Ayn Rand's philosophy than anything Rand was capable of generating. There's nothing magical about it aside from the possibility that his rituals, which were explicitly devised for theatrical effect and not because he believed in sorcery, work in some chaos magick kind of way. His appeal was that he was a carny who fit perfectly into the weird milieu of 60s California decadence. He made people like Jayne Mansfield feel like they were living in a Vincent Price movie.

  16. Traditionally, Satan was YHVH's prosecutor-general and errand spirit who tested people's faith. So there's some weird irony in this in the context of testing our faith in the non-material?

  17. You know, reading this article, it struck me: Having a Ten Commandments display at a courthouse at least makes some sort of sense because there is an appeal to where Western law comes from.

    If it were a crucifix, I guess you could argue punishment meted out by the state. I mean, in a secular manner you could argue that Jesus' death on the cross is what happens when two corrupt legal systems combine forces.

    But what does putting a statue of Baphomet in from of a courthouse symbolize? Isn't Baphomet all about money? Is it about bribing the legal system? Otherwise it seems Baphomet, from my understanding, should be the guardian of Wall Street and Washington D.C.

    1. For me, Baphomet represents nothing more than the Hermetic principals, and I feel should be left out of this side-show entirely. It always kind of rubbed me the wrong way to see cloaked doofuses falling to their knees and ululating 'HAIL SATAN!" at his/her feet, but I think this garbage is even worse! Yours sincerely, a bemused Gnostic.

    2. Aren't a lot of things the Xtians call "devils", "demons", and the like just figures worshiped by other, older cultures?

      That's another of the problems I have with Xtianity, the lack of respect they have for anything that isn't their Bronze Age nonsense.

  18. I learned about Satanism through first few generations of US & European black metal and death metal, and these people would certainly piss themselves if someone like Jon Nödtveidt from Swedish band Dissection showed up at a meeting. (his wiki page)
    or even someone like the cartoonish Glen Benton of Deicide from FL, who burned an inverted cross into his forehead.

    (and European black metal's Satanism seemed to be more of a reconnection to their pagan/pre-christian roots with some of the artists while a lot of the American death metal scene's version of Satanism was a bit more cartoonish, the kind of shit that caused the "Satanic Panic" in the '80's.)

    what else I learned, at least from my point of view, was that most interpretations of modern Satanism lead the follower to a fairly juvenile state of mind. meaning that since by acknowledging Satan, you acknowledge a creator deity, the mindset was basically "fuck you for creating me, God! So in response I'm going to break every rule you say I'm supposed to follow and wallow in materialism!"

    maybe I'm off, but that's the impression that I got from my limited exposure to it.

    1. forgot to the post the Order that Nödtveidt belonged to.

  19. Well they might not be "Metal" exactly but they have actually done good work for religious freedom. I'm all for removing Christian-Only prayer and 10 commandments statues from public spaces personally.

    What beneficial changes have been wrought by more "Metal" violent anarchist types?

    If Satan was originally a prosecuting attorney for god, why shouldn't his modern followers work through safe legal means?

    Seems apt to me.

    1. All I can say is, Millennials, Skeptical Atheists, SJWs, and Neckbeards of every sort should get ready for the backlash. They've made many enemies, zero allies, and I think none will miss them or care when they get what's almost certainly coming.

  20. You mentioned Vallee's diaries, I've read them as well. I always wondered exactly why Vallee was using LaVey as a regular touchstone connection during his California days. I've always wondered if they are related by blood, the name LaVey being an anagram of sorts of Vallee.