Tuesday, January 23, 2018

"These are the Names of the Vegas Who Watch..."

The Phylax phugazi continues to grow more ridiculous by the day. No one can seem to get their stories straight. 

First it was the Golden Dawn who pulled the Watcher off his Pedestal of Veneration, then it was changed to "far-rightists" when someone informed the hapless authorities that the Golden Dawn are actually anti-Christian neopagans. 

Sounds like a psyop run by Sterling Archer.

Then the sculptor started walking back his claims Phylax was Talos, and I'm sorry, did he say Talos? Weird, he didn't remember actually saying Talos

Anyway, what he actually meant was that Phylax was kinda like Talos. Give or take.

And to think, all those dumb kulaks thought that a naked, bloody-red, winged giant with a snake for a head and neck was "satanic."  FFS SMGDH!

The cover story was reportedly revised after a five-year old girl googled "Talos" on her mother's iPhone and pointed out the artwork didn't look like any Talos ever. Not even in that weird 80s anime about trolls and radiation.

Of course, Phylax is actually based on the Watchers of Apocryphal books like Enoch and the Testament of Amram: 
(9) [...1 saw Watchers] (10) in my vision, the dream-vision. Two (men) were fighting over me, saying... (11) and holding a great contest over me. I asked them, ‘Who are you, that you are thus empo[wered over me?’ 
They answered me, ‘We] (12) [have been em]powered and rule over all mankind.’ They said to me, ‘Which of us do yo[u choose to rule (you)?’ I raised my eyes and looked.] 
(13) [One] of them was terr[i]fying in his appearance, [like a serpent, [his] cl[oa]k many-colored yet very dark... (14) [And I looked again], and... in his appearance, his visage like a viper, and [wearing...] (15) [exceedingly, and all his eyes...]  

But when I first saw Phylax, I couldn't help but think back on the "Event Horizon" art installation from a few years back, when naked male figures were placed around Madison Square in New York City. 

Some were placed on the street, some placed on rooftops, and the rest were given powers, principalities, thrones and dominion over the kingdoms of the Earth.

No, not that Madison. 

Of course, the reason I thought of it was that it was probably designed under the same directive: get the lowly Terrans accustomed having the Vegas in their midst. 

I heard somewhere that they called it "Event Horizon" to celebrate the news that the Vegas had finally escaped the gravity well of the black hole they were taking as a shortcut to our doomed dominion Earth. Forget where. 

Bonus factoid: Vega is a clothing-optional star system.

And just by some weird fluke, Madison Square Park is also hosting "Whiteout," an installation of pearly dew-drops modeled after the Vegas' hunter-killer orb-drones. 

You know, like the ones in Phantasm? Same idea.

In related news, Mickey D's cooking up a delicious new treat just for you...

..."you" meaning the Vegas. Bon appetit!

I have heard rumors that Wendy's is working on a new sandwich called the Double Cheese-Archon™. The patty is made from transgenic octo-horse meat. Plus, transgenic human-pig bacon. It comes with fries and a 24 oz value cup of Abominations.

Can't wait to see what Smash Burger and Five Guys are fixing up. 

In related news, EarthSky.org looks like they were having themselves a zesty round of Secret Sun Scrabble when they cooked up that wacky headline.

Especially since the story they spit out under it makes not one single lick of sense. 

And is that name there --Scott S Sheppard-- some kind of Secret Sun Scrabble? I'm kind out of the loop with stoner-speak.

Or was this absurd nonstory conjured up to celebrate the New Atlantis Baphomets and the Philae-Delphi Vegas, who rose to the Pearly Dew-Drop Bowl that very same day? Your call.

Now, a number of readers have asked me what I thought about the so-called Fraser Sinkhole, which opened the Gates of the Abyss on Christmas Eve 2016 in Fraser, Michigan. As if they needed to ask! 

This, of course, is the Sounding of the Fifth Angel's Trumpet. I thought everyone knew that.

And since Our Lady holds the keys to Hell and Death, she deigned to open the Gates of the Abyss once more in Urangan, a little seaside hamlet in the Queensland region of the Upside Down. On New Year's Day, this time. 

Just a little reminder what we're in for in 2018. Forecast calls for locusts.

Oh, I almost forgot; Urangan is on the "Fraser Coast." It's Our Lady's coded message to her Elect. Many are called but few are chosen. 

Pray for us, Our Lady.

In related news, The Shape of Water-- which some compare to Cocteau's Beauty and the Beast-- washed away the competition at this morning's Oscar nominations and racked up a  lucky 13 Ausur® nominations. 

So it's official: the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences simply worships this Beast from the Sea! 

And the critics are unanimous! Rex Reed raves, "Who is like unto the Shape of Water? Who is able to make war with it?" Mark Kermode gushes: "The Shape of Water speaks great things and blasphemies!"  Entertainment Weekly swoons: "The Shape of Water has been given unto power to make war with the Saints, and overcome them!"

And yes, Get Out. Get out of Babylon, my people, so that you may not receive her ruddy cups. 



So, you want to keep the Sun shining? Here's how you can do your part: buy yourself a copy of He Will Live Up in the Sky at these fine book-mongers. 

Buy early and often!