Stunning! PhilaeDelphi Vegas Go to Super Bowl! Surprising!

Seventeen!

In a stroke of improbability so improbabilistic it has shaken the very foundations of Probabilism itself, the PhilaeDelphi Vegas beat the Twinesota Vikings and will be squaring off against Twin Brady and his New Atlantis Baphomets!

Where? Why, at the US Bank sport-team venue in the Cocteau Twin Cities! 

Twin Cities and logo embedding the Gemini icon? Where else can you be stunned out of your socks like this, sports fans? 

And now a word from our sponsors...

Take the family to see UFOsiris, now playing at the Temple at Philae! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll grovel! Good seats still available!

When you are ready for the best in psychic readings call the Oracles of Delphi @ 1-888-LFR-ASER! Pythias are standing by to sacrifice your spring lambs!  

Now, back to our program...

This just in: Vegas dominate! High priest coach undergoes weird ejaculation ritual victory Gatorade bath! Orange!

Coincidentally coincidental! 

IEDs go off at Eagle Ridge Mall Sunday night! Outside Tampa!

Eagle- 17!

Eagle, 17! Viva Los Vegas!

"Brady goes GOAT!" Try it at home!

Here's how! Good luck!

Redesigned NFL shield has football aligning with Lyra! Yes, Vega is that same constellation! Now hold on to your hats, folks; the five stitches correspond to five primary stars of Lyra! 

Amazing coincidence! 

Justin Timberlake will be giving halftime show! Check out his new videos! Woke!

Plus, Orange!

"Where's that," sportsfans? Why, Millington, Tennessee!

Go visit! If you're in Memphis, take at left at Q. Elizabeth Freeway, then follow signs to Wolf River. Turn right at third traffic light into Frayser. 

Then take Area- STS- US-51 straight on into Millington! Leave the light on for us!

UPDATE! Actually, here's the part of Millington where Justin's actually from! Directions from Wolf River Harbor via Frayser! The Secret Sun, always working harder to serve you!

This just in from the entertainment desk: Offhand remark by pop star becomes major news story for some utterly inexplicable reason! Experts baffled!

Stay tuned for the latest! Go NFLim! 

Horrors! A conspiracy theory? About the NFLim? Oh, the humanity!