The Secret Sun: Killer Sex-Bots are Go!

Well, there's a headline for you, eh?

The Sexbots are coming to a town near you. Unless of course you live in London.

The manufactured dialectic rages on, with "OFFENDED Islamic Extremists" allegedly phoning threats into an expo hawking the latest in sextoys for single men with way too much disposable income.

Those OFFENDED extremists -- if in fact they even exist-- did their part to promote the show and to push the Infertility Agenda by offering lonely onanists the opportunity to stick it to the Muslims by attending the expo at its new location.

Now, it may be my tendency for pareidolia again, but damn if that rather horrific image there doesn't remind me of this...

Tell me, people; am I imagining things?

We've looked at Jack Kirby's terrifyingly-prophetic OMAC: One Man Army Corps in the past here so I should take this opportunity to mention that the very first issue (published in 1974) was about sexbots being reprogrammed to kill.

Before he's turned into OMAC-- by a sentient Artificial Intelligence named "Brother Eye"--young Billy Blank even falls in love with one.

And we keep hearing how VR is the next frontier for the monkey-spanking industry as well. I'm not sure that's going to pan out with the current technology, given the whole issue of VR sickness.

But I should remind you that Kirby was depicting VR in OMAC all those years back. And even further back, in Jimmy Olsen, Superman's "Friend."

OMAC also prophesied celebrity Mithraist Mike Bloomberg and his enforcer Ray Kelly in the form of Mister Big-- the man who "can rent a city"-- and Major Domo. Remarkable likenesses, given the time-gap.

Bonus prediction: mohawks.

ITEM: HAPPENINGS FROM HELL

Speaking of Jack Kirby, it seems spontaneous combustion made a surprise comeback, this time in London. Grisly.

ITEM: X-FILES REALITY WATCH

The US lifted a ban on creating lethal viruses. Terrific. We can all sleep soundly now.

Well, those of us who never saw any 70s TV movies can, at least. Or, of course, an episode of The X-Files.

No word on whether the new virus program is calling itself "Purity Control."

So why are they doing this, you're asking?

Don't ask.

Speaking of which, The X-Files follows up on its own viral apocalypse in 12 short days. From the looks of it, all my fan theories about the cliffhanger are batting a big goose egg.

Of course, the inherent weakness in my theories is that I based them all on a careful analysis of the scripts and comparisons with textual precedent from previous storylines.

Always a really bad idea with The X-Files.

And experts are saying the new flu vaccine is only 10% effective against this year's strains. Which is Bullshitish for "not effective at all."

Still, experts are recommending you get the vaccine anyway. Because you need your yearly doses of aluminum and mercury.

Oh, who told you that? Alex Jones? Aluminum and mercury are good for your brain.

That's not what you heard? Oh, what are you, some kind of expert now? Some kind of tinfoil-hat expert guy now?

Get in line and take your fucking shot.

ITEM: EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

Well, just in time for the Winter Solstice we have this hot new trend, similar to the various Orange shirt days a couple months back.

This one has folks covering up one eye to pay tribute to a Syrian baby who lost an eye during the US-backed terror war there.

It's really catching on. The White Helmets are joining in the cause.

As is the British Ambassador to the United Nations.

And this German news agency.

And hundreds of top celebrities are doing their part to pitch in.

So what are you waiting for? Why aren't you covering your eye?

What are you, some kind of Islamophobe or something? What, you hate babies or something?

Cover your fucking eye, motherfucker. Or your name goes on the fucking list.

ITEM: SO NOW YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

Let's talk about UFOs now. It's OK, you're not crazy anymore. Honest. Sit down over here. Can we get you something to drink? Just to let you know, this conversation may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

So, do you think UFOs exist?

Good, good.

Have you ever seen one?

OK, good. Skipping down here...

Right; so do you think the UFO people love us and care about us and only want to protect us?

Do you think the UFO people left certain families and bloodlines in charge to take good care of us and the planet until they return?

No?

Yeah, well, you might want to rethink that. In fact, you might want to rethink that right away.

You know who I heard doesn't love the UFO People?

Uh...um...who's that guy with the Depeche Mode haircut again? Shit...Spencer. That's it--Richard Spencer.

Yeah, that's right; I heard somewhere that Richard Spencer hates the UFO People and wants to exterminate our loving Space Brothers.

Yeah, him and, uh...that fat guy... Alex Jones.

Plus, Trump. And Roy Moore.

Wait-- you're not a fan of Richard Spencer, are you? Because you do know Richard Spencer doesn't love our UFO Overlords, right?

Well, make sure you wear Orange and cover your eye this Thursday. To show the Neph...to show our UFO SuperGods how much you love them.

We'll be keeping an eye on your Facebook. Don't forget.

ITEM: THE BRAINTREE NEWS TREE

Of course he did. OK, that wasn't in Braintree but the Archdiocese is. So still Braintree news.

Stop being such a stickler.

Wow, 30 cars in one night. And not just any old Braintree, but East Braintree. Including several in my old neighborhood. Don't ever change, East Braintree.

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred and thirteen times: Braintree doesn't do half-measures. In the wake of the President of the State Senate stepping down over a sexual assault scandal, the 'Tree's former State Senator is up on an impressive 113 charges of corruption in Federal court. Go Wamps!

ITEM: THIS JUST IN FROM THE SPORTS DESK

Sports Illustrated took the time to launch a tirade against Kyrie Irving of the Boston Celtics. It seems he's spreading certain thought-contagions inappropriate to his income-level. Seems Irving wants people to "seek their own answers beyond the ones that are giving to us by books, media, internet."

Hey, Kyrie-- does Sports Illustrated tell you how to do your job? OK, bad example.

But maybe you should start learning your place in the grand pyramid of things, Kyrie. After all, you got a nice career there. It would be a shame if something happened to it.

And for some completely inexplicable reason, 80s Mets star Darryl Strawberry was all over the news today. I mean, headline news everywhere.

Yeah, it seems he used to fuck groupies between innings of games.

Yeah, Darryl-- can I call you Darryl? Yeah, I'm not really sure you want to go around bragging you had sex in the time between innings. I mean, what's that, a few minutes?

Maybe you should try bragging about all the groupies you fucked while your cook was fixing you some delicious strawberry treats. No, that means "strawberry" in French. Honest.

Plus, Scottish.

NEWSFLASH!: Some master-class trolling by Yum! Brands, owner of Taco Beltane (formerly Taco Ba'al).

NEWSFLASH: Well, not really. But a reader reminded us of the infamous UFO Cover Up Live! TV special from 1988 when a voice-altered Richard Doty revealed to the world that the aliens have been here for 25,000 years and that a captured alien kept at Kirtland AFB was partial to Tibetan music and strawberry ice cream.

Can you believe the depths these government disinfo artists will sink to? Outrageous.

Everyone knows what the alien (his name was Quisquose) actually said is that he loves the Cocteau Twins.

Doty was signaling to his fellow intelligence agents. "Tibet" is occultic code for "Elizabet" (I think it might be the Atbash Ciper, but don't quote me on that) and we know all about strawberries, don't we?

Had enough, spooks, or do you want me to dish out a little more?

Yeah, I thought so. We're onto you.