The music-counterfeiting wing of the Entrainment Industry sent their finest lipsynchers to lower Manhattan's
Note the inspirational design of the Oculus, which sits in the shadow of One World Trade Etemenanki. The Eagles are Landing! The Pearlies are Dewdropping! Praise Semjaza!
Sex-crazed sexagenarian Madge was tasked to pay tribute to the late Aretha Franklin but opted instead to make it all about me! me! me! by donning an outfit she picked up at the late Ofra Haza's estate sale back in y2k.
Or maybe Maddy had her a senior moment. Decades of tetracycline overuse does have a deleterious effect on the brain.
But you know what they say; so does syphilis. So pick your poison.
Jennifer Lopez performed the requisite Adoration of the Golden Freemason in front of the traditional Freemie Blue and Gold. She was actually brought to tears during her acceptance speech.
I think Jenny from the Block was sad because the golden idol turned her thoughts to the keening lamentations for Hiram Abiff's sacred martyrdom. Plus, the terrible sacrifices of Jacques DeMolay and Hugh DePayens.
They shall be avenged, Cowans! Doubt it not!
What's-his-face from Panic at the Disco performed in from a giant replica of the Golden Freemason, which was wielding a torch to pay tribute to Mithras Nymphus. However, Panic fans were disappointed that there were no mock Satanic sacrifices of prepubescent boys during the band's performance.
Oh well, there's always next year. Maybe it won't be so "mock," wink-wink!
This Latin pop star, whose name and music were instantly flushed out of memory as soon as I clicked away from the video, went for the more traditional Sol Invictus iconography.
For her new single "God is a Woman," Ariane Grande Bestia lip-synched through a ritual desecration of the Last Supper in a giant mock pagan temple with an all-female cast.
Suck on that, Westboro!
The number then devolved into a stylized all-girl orgy. Hmm, I guess this particular temple was dedicated to Sappho.
Or perhaps Bob Guccione.
Ariane apparently accepted her Golden Freemason in front of a giant replica of the Bisexual pride flag, whose colors were the dominant scheme of the night for some reason or other.
NOTE: The Golden Freem is there not only to venerate the
Vegas GAOTU but to remind everyone that today's pop is all a hoodwink and a hoax, brought to you by armies of computer-powered counterfeiters. Really, what better icon could you choose?
90s sex symbols turned current-year dad band Backstreet Boys were relegated to a lip-synching gig at the Rockefeller Mithraic Shrine, several miles away from the actual awards.
I don't know who hired the screaming teenage girls but someone might want to look into their browsing history. Just sayin'.
This particular entity won Song of the Year. Because WE ARE IN HELL.
The award-winning being --whom absolutely no one will remember in three years-- later closed out the show with great-grandpa rock act Aerosmith, who were there as a token nod to the actual musicians who originally built the now-moribund MTV brand. Kind of like U2 at the Grammys.
Though not quite as tragic.
On a more solemn and somber note, professional exhibitionist Amber Rose donned the ritual garb to remind all the lipsynchers, entrainers and MK handlers what's it's really all about at the end of the day. Exactly why they do what they do.
It was really quite touching. I know I got a bit misty.