Wednesday, January 09, 2019

The Devil's Draught and the Witches' Brew

This is a post I really didn't want to write. I've been engaged in a hearty inner debate as to whether I actually should write it, as it hits kind of close to home and involves someone I've known for a very long time. But given the severity of what actually went down and how badly this person is being demonized on Facebook and other places, I felt like I needed to speak up.

Certainly not to defend or excuse what may have allegedly gone down, but to try to understand it, since it acts as kind of an illustration of all the things I've been trying to talk about in the past couple of years. And concurrently with this came another horror show connected to topics I've been covering recently as well.

Let's start with what's actually being reported in a number of different outlets....

Ann Covalt Henry, 51, of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, was arraigned on 12 felony counts of aggravated assault and one count of child endangerment, authorities revealed Thursday.
The charges were the result of an investigation by Bethlehem police and a county grand jury into doctors finding fractures, bruising and head injuries to the triplets when they were eight weeks old. 
Following the birth of her triplets in 2016, Henry allegedly told a caregiver that she was contemplating suicide and wanted to ‘throw a baby through a plate glass window’, according to The Morning Call.

Henry allegedly injured the triplets, then eight weeks old, in September 2016. One infant had a broken wrist, a second infant had fractured ribs and the third had subdural hemorrhage from abusive head trauma, prosecutors said. 
Then, this past July, Henry allegedly assaulted the child who previously suffered head trauma. 
The child, who was 23 months old at the time, had a fractured tibia and petechial bruising due to lack of oxygen or blood to the brain, prosecutors allege.
So basically, Annie had her children taken away from her last year when it was discovered that her newborns had been seriously injured. More:
The babies were placed in foster care and the family was supervised by Lehigh County Office of Children & Youth Services, the report states. Henry — who works as an acupuncturist, according to the report — was only permitted supervised visits with her children for more than a year, then weekend visits were approved last summer. 
After one visit, foster parents observed one of the children had a cut lip and swollen face. Doctors found that the child had “bruising due to lack of oxygen or blood flow to the brain,” and “a fracture to the tibia.” 
Henry blamed the child’s swelling on “spicy eggs” the family ate at a Bethlehem restaurant, the presentment states. Police interviewed the cook, who said no spices were used on the eggs, court records show. 
Child abuse expert Dr. Debra Esernio-Jenssen told the grand jury that one child’s injuries were consistent with “abusive head trauma,” a term used to describe symptoms of what formerly was called shaken baby syndrome.

Apparently what happened is that the babies were taken away from Annie and Marcus and put into care. The parents were only allowed supervised visits for a full year and I'm being told that Annie had attended a number of parenting classes and counseling, after which she was allowed unsupervised visits. 

And according to investigators, the children were assaulted again almost immediately. Apparently, one of the doulas alleged on Facebook that Annie tried to smother one of the infants.

My wife and I spent most of the day on Monday trying to get more information from our mutual friends and in turn passing that on to others. Everyone is stunned, particularly by this turn of events in July.

I haven't hung out with Annie in several years (since a barbecue 2009 or 2010) and I'd heard that she'd cut herself off from our very loose circle, but I did bounce messages back and forth with her on Facebook now and then (and I believe she was a member of the FB Secret Sun group).

I'm not just stunned, I'm heartsick. Especially when I see these pictures that have been circulating with the news articles. Those dead, cold eyes don't belong to the Annie I've known for the better part of four decades. Not to sweet, goofy, vivacious, outgoing Annie.
Something has gone terribly wrong.


This is the Annie that I know.

Someone whose eyes were always twinkling, who was always smiling and laughing and being silly.
I'll never forget the night a huge group of us went to the world-famous Tic-Toc Diner after the Chiller Theatre con and Annie was cosplaying Daphne from Scooby-Doo and carrying around a Scooby-Doo lunchbox.

She was completely oblivious to all the other diners staring at her and wondering what Daphne from Scooby-Doo was doing there. It was adorable.

I usually only saw her at cons and parties, Chiller, Dragon*Con and the rest, but I first got to know her back in 1985 at the Drug House, back when I was doing Jersey like a champ. What do I mean by that?

Well, I mean we were living in a downscale neighborhood in a town that was every single Bruce Springsteen song come to life and I was working for the real-life Tony Soprano. It was like a crash-course in New Jersey.

I've talked about that experience a number of times over the years, including last year. I'm not certain if I first met Annie at the time I wrote this excerpt here, but if it wasn't that exact night, it certainly was close to it:
I actually remember the night Gloria made landfall. Why? Because that night my rocket-scientist roommates decided it would be a good idea to desecrate a grave. A child's grave. And then they thought to themselves, "You know would be even more excellent? If we brought the headstone back to the house and kept it under the stairs." 
I think they spent the rest of the evening sticking their schwangs in light sockets. I don't know, I'll have to check my diary. 
No one knew anything about magic or the Spirit world. But they might as well have burned down the place anyway, because everything got really weird, really dark and really ugly immediately and stayed that way until the landlord showed up one fine day with some goon and a Rottweiler and chased everyone home at the time out. 
We had a chat with the woman next door as we left for good. She said she had the FBI up on the second floor since they were allegedly running surveillance on the house down the street. Which not only couldn't they actually see from that location, but the entire time we lived there I never saw a single soul go in or out of that house. 
However we did have a guy in and out of our house who had some loose affiliation with the Grateful Dead organization and at one point (1984?) had spent a week up at Hunter S. Thompson's place in Woody Creek. (He said Thompson didn't sleep the entire week and spent most of the time screaming and hollering at everyone and shooting at trees). 
I think you get my meaning.
If you don't, this was a guy who'd come over and use my phone to call a bunch of people and tell him he had something that "smelled good" for them.

Yeah, dark times and bad mojo. Very bad.

Bonus factoid: one of my roommates at the time went on to be a big kahuna on The Simpsons, in fact he still is. 

Bonus bonus factoid: One of my friends who worked there swears to this day that Laura Dern was very briefly the hostess for the Tony Soprano restaurant. I've never been able to confirm that, though I do remember a tall blonde girl working the front door.

The thing that boggles my mind is that Annie used to au pair for Fred Greenberg, who ran the old Great Eastern Cons out of the Hotel Pennsylvania. Since I briefly did some business with Fred and had been over to his house, I got the feeling Fred's kids adored Annie and I've been told they saw her as their punk-rock Mary Poppins. She was always sweet and kind to my own kids as well.

But there was a night out with Annie back in 2008 that did raise some alarm bells. She and I and a mutual friend did the town after a Wizard World con in Philly. I had hung with her at her booth and thought, "Wow, Annie really seems to have gotten her shit together. She's not the ditzy New Age fangirl I once knew." 

I mean, she was studying acupuncture and Qi Gong and herbalism and later opened a practice in Lower Manhattan. She was also working for a cosplay clothier and traveling the country doing shows and RenFaires. She really seemed to finally have gotten her head on straight.

So the three of us hit South Street and had dinner and hit the shops. But then Annie started saying some very, very strange things in an unsettlingly matter-of-fact kind of tone. She was talking about how she was being stalked and harassed by alien Greys, saying shit like, "Man, I hate those little fuckers."
Our mutual friend was agog, since he hadn't known the weird, druggy, witchy vibe that pervaded the house my wife and I renting, the house that Annie was over at all the time.

That was nothing to how the Pakistani cab driver who took us back to the hotel reacted. Annie was just letting it rip about those motherfucking Greys getting all up in her grill and the flying saucers parked over her house all night and all the rest. I could tell by his expression that the driver was debating whether or not to just chuck our asses out on the street the whole time. I guess you had to be there. 

So when I heard that she undergoing major fertility treatment at age 49 so she could get pregnant, well, let's just say I did not expect good things to arise. But I never expected anything like this. Not in a million years. It was inconceivable to me. The Annie I knew loved kids-- hell, she was just an overgrown kid herself.

Her husband is a programmer and I hear he makes bank. Apparently they met on the Steampunk cosplay scene and had a fancy Steampunk wedding. I've never met him but I'm told by everyone who has that he's a very sweet and softspoken guy. But I just can't wrap my head around either one of their behavior at all.

A lot of people have been saying that she's suffering from severe post-partum depression and that may be true. I'm being told she was acting very strange at her arraignment, like none of this was any big deal and she had more important shit to worry about.

So anyway, I've thought since that night in Philly that Annie had popped a cork, just hours after thinking she really seemed like she had all her shit together. But now I'm starting to wonder.

Maybe those Greys she was complaining about beamed her up and scrambled her circuits. I mean, the shit she was saying sounded crazy but she herself did not. She complained about aliens like they were neighbors she was feuding with.

And then a weird thought crossed my mind this afternoon. I thought to myself, "What if these beings she claimed she was getting hassled by weren't aliens at all, but were in fact demons?"

Yeah, yeah, I know. Crazy talk.

But the weird thing was if they were demons, it would sure go a long way to explaining what the actual fuck happened here.

With that in mind, let's go to Horror Show #2...


Erich Stelzer was a 6'7" bodybuilder who stripped naked, screamed he was God and his girlfriend was the Devil, and started hacking away at her with a knife, apparently out of absolutely nowhere. Hollywood would be hard-pressed to top this scenario. I have to say the police showed remarkable restraint in tasing Stelzer, if what we are hearing is true.


But true to form, we're hearing that this was not the cops' first visit to 13 Church Street.
COHASSET — The family of a man accused of stabbing his date at his home in Cohasset said they had sought medical help for him recently, saying he had exhibited “erratic behavior and extreme paranoia.” The man died Thursday after police tased him during the alleged attack.

And just like every other horror show in the last several decades, Erich Stelzer seemed to fall through those persnickety "cracks in the system." 
Stelzer’s family had noticed a decline in his mental health in the week before the stabbing and said he was experiencing “delusions, erratic behavior and extreme paranoia,” according to a statement released by the family’s lawyer, Phil Cormier. 
The statement said Stelzer had been in the care of mental health professionals over the last month and that the family called Cohasset police and EMTs about a possible “psychotic break” on Christmas night. 
“The assessment by the EMTs was that he did not need assistance due to the fact that he was lucid enough to know his own name and the date,” the statement said. “The family was surprised and unsure how to proceed.” 
The family said that before the stabbing they had scheduled an intervention for Stelzer to take him to an inpatient facility for treatment.

The story has taken on an ominous tone, since Cohasset is filled with rich guys who don't much cotton to having their Viking berserker sons offed by cops. I have to say, I'm getting a whiff of something deeper and more troubling at work here. I've seen enough of these kind of things to sense when there's much more to a story here, and maybe the father knows things the rest of us don't and never will.


Now what's the connection to these two cases, besides me? Hormones.

From what I'm told, the kind of treatment Annie was receiving involved massive courses of estrogen and progesterone and fuck knows what else. It was a very complicated and exacting protocol and required all kinds of HRT after the delivery. I'm told that these kinds of chemicals can do a number a woman half Annie's age. If given to an older woman who has some major mental health issues already? Who the hell knows?

Erich Stelzer was almost certainly juicing and "'roid rage" is well-documented. If he was juicing and smoking meth or some such hell-drug, then a freak-out isn't just unsurprising, it's practically de rigeur.

Consider all this when seeing how aggressive and extreme Big Pharma is getting about shooting everyone and everything up with as many hormones as their insurance plan can afford. These are the same people who brought you the Opioidocide, so consider that when the media is pumping your head full of HRT "miracle cure" stories.

There's another connection...


Annie's into witchcraft and all the rest of it and has some involvement with an online Witch shoppe. This isn't remarkable in and of itself, she's been into that stuff as long as I've known her and has never seemed to be a problem.

But witchcraft, massive hormone dumps, history of complaints of demonic harassment and the overall Apocalyptic aura out there?

Well, that's another story.

And judging from her Instagram, the reported victim of this horrific knife attack in Cohasset seems to be no stranger to the Craft herself, at least in a fashion-statement kind of way. 

It looks as if she has a pet black cat (as do I, and I love him to pieces) and a pet tarantula. She has a number of tattoos, including one of a raven, an owl and some other more troubling designs as well.

Such as a dagger.

And slash marks.

...and an All-Seeing Eye. Note the 13 and remember the address where this brutal assault was reported to have happened.

Weirder still, given the fact that the police have reported that the young woman was stabbed several times in the face and may lose an eye, we have a history of gruesome Halloween costumes with weird designs around the eye or eyes, such as this...

...and these.

Now, from what I can tell, she seems like a sweet and charming girl who works as vet's assistant. These kinds of looks are very popular with young people these days and are most likely not anything but fashion. And they most certainly would do nothing to excuse or even explain the kind of vicious attack being described in the new reports.

However, like I keep trying to tell everyone, potent symbols have minds, wills and agendas of their own. 

See, I don't worry about any of the new generation of young witches doing anything of any significance magically. However, I do worry about them being unwittingly used as signal boosters.

And more troublingly, food. Especially in a town like Cohasset.

Now in case you didn't know, the Devil lives in Cohasset.

Well, at least he did; The Witches of Eastwick was filmed there. I'll tell you, it was quite a trip seeing that movie, filmed in those streets I knew so intimately.

Cher's house was literally around the corner from my Dad's house, which he bought after leaving the Ghost House. He since sold it to a former Boston Bruin (exactly 20 years ago, in fact). Michelle Pfeffer's house was close by too. The church where that scene was filmed was my grandmother's chosen parish.

Weirdly enough, the knife-attack nightmare went down as my wife and I were doing our Haunting of Hill House watch, which in turn inspired me to write about my own Hill House experience in Cohasset.

Bonus Factoid: The story seems to have been Mandela-Effected, but I do know that Cher was involved in a major accident on Route 3 during the filming.

Let me just end all this with excerpts from "It's No Game," which turns out to have been all-too-prophetic.
(The) constant barrage of occultic symbolism out there-- overt or covert-- isn't being shoved down everyone's throats for shits and giggles. These symbols have also been around for a long time and have been pretty well road-tested. They do stuff, however you choose to explain how or why.

Terence McKenna once said that a healthy society could only afford to have some minuscule proportion of the population seriously involved with psychedelics. I forget the exact figure but it was something like .025% or something. Double that number to .05% and things got kind of shaky, or so the Bard seemed to think. 
For my dollar the exact same can be said about the occult. 
Which may be exactly why so many people out there seem to have become demon-possessed and/or ragingly psychopathic. You can only bend a paperclip so much before it breaks, if you get my meaning. 
So, Tarot cards, Ouija boards, ritual magick, astrology? I say leave them to the adepts, the ones willing to accept the consequences if it all goes tits up.  Same way climbing skyscrapers and diving off cliffs can be quite thrilling to watch but in my opinion they're not really something you can dabble in.

Think upon it.


  1. Chris,

    This is a very sad story. A few times in my life I've known of people in my circle doing things one can't understand, along similar circumstances.

    I chose not to have children, mainly because of family dysfunction and the massive highs and lows of my emotions. I can't say whether that is right or wrong. I also have lived most of my life surrounded by high weirdness, along the lines you've written about many times.

    I am now 45 and could not imagine 2 years from now pumping myself full of hormones, resulting in triplets. Would I go insane or would I be a good mother? It's a toss up. I wouldn't want to take the risk.

    A woman has a certain time-frame to procreate. Entering into artificial means to achieve that spells trouble. Just my opinion.

    1. BTW, is that her with Grant Morrison? What a beautiful woman. What a shame, what a tragedy.

    2. I too chose purposefully not to have children unless and until i could overcome all of my demons resulting from generations of dysfunction and abuse in all branches of my family tree. My mantra was "it ends with me, one way or another." That is, either i overcome those demons or i have no children. Given that overcoming them, a process that took so long and is not yet quite complete, it is not looking likely.

      It's also problematic, even for males to have kids so late in life. I feel it *could* be unfair to the children when by the time they graduate their parents are senior citizens.

    3. Never fear!(?) Plenty people(?) keeping "the numbers up" globally in terms of human population, most oblivious to how their behaviours find mutated(/demonic) expression in their offspring - who then go on to replicate the cycle, Humanity as means of demonic expression ain't abating even without your own contribution to your lineage.

      Does Humanity exist to serve ruin though? No.


    4. Well, that's comforting KTV, I guess? The trauma my parents inflicted on me turned me right off going through the cycle again. A good 25 years of familial debris clouds your goals in that regard!

      It's a big question you've brought up on many levels, certainly not just on my own personal issues. Many, many levels.

    5. Anony 12:24

      Clouded goals is a revealing way to put it, most who express the lack of desire to go through the cycle again do so due to the clouding of trauma, to call it a cloud is a great way to put it because trauma is cloudlike, it obscures BUT there are things beyond it & one of those things is light. That you can give form to trauma in this way is actually part of the progression beyond these clouds.

      There are many ways to heal our souls & difficult/implausible as it may seem those damaged by the (accrued) cycle of life, feeling that it MUST end with them for fear of otherwise perpetuating & compounding failings in their descendents, actually have the chance to break the cycle of trauma by living a life beyond that defined by the actions of others, whether antecendants or otherwise. That those traumatised understand they have been hurt, & this gives them pause, is more than most people know about themselves, there's a chance of wisdom in having a sense of such things.

      The cycle of trauma is not the cycle of life, life can be traumatic but life is not just experiencing trauma or cycles / re-occurances/variants of (past) trauma.

      It's easy to think such things & convey them & I know some people have experienced horrors, & remain in cycles/can return to or get caught up in (other) negatives that feed the demons, & there are some beyond (full) recovery, but for anyone scared they're fated to serve further negativity, if they were to become a parent - therefore it must not/cannot happen - know that you have more insight into life than most & the compassion you direct toward society, by not wanting to continue what is feared would be more trauma, is a glimpse of the qualities the very best parents have & pass on to their children.

      Be Well.


    6. Thanks for your kind words, KTV. I feel I've run my race a little late though for parenthood. Of course it's always the people who question their ability to be a good parent who probably will be. At least they are thinking about it.

    7. & dan I apologise if my comment at 8:25 came across as flippant or harshly facetious, those of, or who would come to be of, Grandparent age can be as good at parenting as younger folk, Kronos be damned.


    8. You definitely make a good point KTV. Awareness does at least give one the chance of avoiding the cycle, and many of the thoughtless are the ones who breed and mindlessly continue the cycle. It has always been a concern of mine that those who are most mindful, who are generally the best, are the ones to select themselves out. Natural selection gone awry and choosing the worst, not the best. Thankfully i have known many good people (both in body and soul) who have propagated themselves, which has given me some hope for the future. I too may yet, God willing. Being male i don't have the same time limit as women, and likely due to autism, though i will be 40 this year, i don't seem to be slowing down much, and can still run circles around people less than half my age. My genes are definitely worth passing on. Time will tell.

    9. No worries KTV, i didn't read that way.

    10. And also KTV, i was choosing my words precisely, which is why i emphasized 'could'. My grandfather was twice my grandmother's age, and my mother says he was still involved in their lives, and for the most part still essentially a good father. So i know personally that it is possible.

  2. An aneristic illusion. The subject attempts to impose order on its body based on a belief that everything is ordered. That the outer order of the body harmonizes with a universal order and will bring divine order to their thoughts and life. This faithful and expectant opening up to outside influence is then only likely to let in what?

    It's not like Amazon where you get what is in the photograph and product description.

    The problem is not that changing the body is a bad idea and you should certainly do it if you want to be healthy or not be arrested for being naked in public. The problem is that imposing order on your body when it's self-destructive is more self-destructive than ordered.

    So in summary, steampunk is bad juju, and friends don't let friends get involved. The whole aesthetic messes around with heavy repressive, classist, imperialist and racist symbols like they are nothing, just some light fun. It's more dangerous than witchy ravens in terms of nascent power imagery.

  3. There is a story that has been in the news here in Philly i have been meaning to post that links in with this. A Keith Campbell, 29, of Baer DE crashed his car and killed 3 people on the 2nd including 2 mummers. This has been on the news here and went national. He apparently stabbed himself up to 20 times. The news here has downplayed this aspect if they mention it at all, but is apparently still the working theory.

    The first thing that came to my mind was demonic possession. There is also a synchronicity related to Supernatural (a major personal sync generator). Campbell was the Winchester boys' mother's family name, and their grandfather Samuel Campbell (played by Mitch Peleggi) was killed by stabbing himself while possessed by the yellow-eyed demon.

    I am unsure of the significance of this aspect, but the mummers have an old pagan origin. The tradition here in Philly has two parts. The first in an old Swedish tradition of greeting the new year with noise, and the other is from the British mummers play of St George and the Dragon.

    There is also a lot of personal significance to this story and this post. I live in a neighborhood called Frankford, named by the Swedes (who along with the Dutch) settled here before the English. It is a very interesting place with a lot of history. When i was young we even had our own serial killer, the last victim of which was found 50 feet from one of those very old Swedish structures. That was behind Church St station, a block from my house.

    It gets even more personal than that. My father's mother was schizophrenic (i know Chris can sympathize). A very lovely woman really. I spent a lot of time with her, especially in my early years, and often traveled with her, mostly visiting her large Irish family. One of my earliest memories was being on the bus with her and seeing the Bethlehem Hotel sign on our way to visit her sister who lived there.

    The last time i spent any time with my father was when i was 17 while working Musikfest with him in Bethlehem. It was a surprisingly good time, as he was an alcoholic and could even be dangerous (probably not to me though). I only saw him once more very briefly after that, as i wouldn't put up his increasingly psychotic behavior. He eventually developed a delusional disorder (not sure if it was schizophrenia or not). I didn't have any contact with him for the 17 years before he died a couple years ago. His funeral and burial was in Baer, where that Campbell was from. He was also a mummer and had been in the parade.

    Bonus fact, my father worked for the big local rock station WMMR and even partied with Bowie.

  4. Alcohol can also be very dangerous, and i think the term 'demon alcohol' is apropos, and not accidental. After all, its many forms are fittingly called 'spirits'. The state of mind created by it and various other substances probably makes one vulnerable to possession. As you mention, hormones as well. Keel noted the interest 'UFOS' took in the activities of young lovers.

    One particular event i think illustrates the danger of drugs making one vulnerable to possession, that of Ozzy Osborne. As related by his wife Sharon, once while he was under the influence (i am unsure what), calm and collected, he sat down with her. He said very cooley "we have been talking, and we have decided you have to die." He then tried to kill her. As she related it it seemed unusual for him to be so collected under the influence ("that is when you really have to worry", she said). He remembered nothing of it, only waking up in jail.

    And to the issue of psychedelics, some magical practitioners have said that you can open a portal into the etheric realm. My mother told me that once when she and my father were doing cid, their cat started to flip out. Animals are believed to be more sensitive to spirits and energies. Once after i had consumed some magical fungi, after the experience (i think it was over) i thought i saw a shadow within another. I would have dismissed it as a vaguery of perception if not for my cat, who, without looking at me, started to watch the same area. He seemed unconcerned, so i decided to be as well.

  5. Oh, and as to black cats.. As my grandmother's health and my mother's mental state deteriorated, things got out of control and i ended up with a number of black cats. No one wants black cats ("they are bad luck!") and i could not find homes for them, so i am "stuck" with them. They are some of the sweetest cats i have ever had, and love them all dearly.

    This prejudice towards black cats has to do with their association with witches (and thus the devil.) These days such things are considered 'backward' and yet this prejudice towards black cats persists. The way i see it is this. A murder was suspected, and the cat was arrested as an accomplice. Later, the person was found to be alive and well and the suspected murderer was set free (ie we now consider witches to be superstition). And yet, we still hold the cat for being an accomplice.

    In Japan black cats are considered to be good luck.

    1. Dan,

      I've also been 'stuck' with cats, not black, but I also love them dearly. I feel we are blessed by these little 'devils' when they choose us. Much easier to look after than any other pets humans have. Mine are tabbies, although I do love a black cat too. Cheeky buggers they are! They really do have style. You're a good man.

    2. There's more than historical reasons to say that black cats are bad luck. I don't mean that black cats will actually bring you bad luck. I mean that a number of things are said to bring bad luck, that generally make no difference at all to your luck, but the stories still circulate. There's an agenda out there to get in people's minds that some perfectly harmless things bring bad luck.

    3. The worst influences tell you that anything around you that can distract you from their lies is evil and that you need to get rid of them immediately. Their calling card is this jealousy of anything else influencing their possession.

      That's not to say that cats are not dangerous, in the symbolic aspect rather than the physical. The black cat especially has a strange connection to the black hole and do you really want to cuddle up with one of them? The question is are they more dangerous to you than certain others. They are valued as traditional allies of humanity against serpents and other pests. Protecting the garmonbozia storage buildings maybe, haha.

    4. @anon9:31
      My oldest ones are tabbies. The eldest is named Buddha, and he is one. The oldest of the black cats actually started as a tabby, an interesting beautiful black and dark grey, before it faded into black, just like how lions start with leopard spots before fading into their characteristic tawny.

      They are so easy because they are still essentially wild. It is interesting to watch wild lions, because their behavior does not really differ from the miniatures we surround ourselves with. Even the big cats like to squeeze themselves into small boxes like our domestic variety.

      My favorite civilizations also happen to be the ones who regard cats most highly: Japan, Ancient Egypt, and the West. Even during the Roman era cats were so highly regarded in Egypt that once when a Roman soldier killed one, a mob tore him apart. And worldwide, they have always been considered to be epitome of what it means to be regal. From lions in Europe and Africa, to tigers in the East, to Jaguars in America.

    5. Given my soft spot for rejects I've had three black cats over the years, including a brother/sister set. All were great and one was incredible. I call him my Christ Cat because he died for my sins (smoking in the house) and loved me right to the end even as his mouth was falling apart from what I'd done.

      His soul was purer than many humans and he was a great healer as well, being a giant patient maine coon with a love of people. He made friends at the drop of a hat and a neighbor said her massage patients were always happy to see him. Kids loved him and even toddlers would drag their parents over to play. Kids would even ask for him when he wasn't around.

      He, and his also black sister, were also crazy smart. I could walk them like dogs without a leash and they knew over ten hand and voice commands, including stop, wrong way, right way, come here (outdoors across distance). We once freaked out a hiker who couldn't believe he was seeing two cats and and their human having a nice stroll on the nature trail. Presumably a similar reaction may have been the basis for the cats/witches connection given how odd it such human/cat relationships appear to many outsiders. Still, great cats; great times!

    6. @anon7:59
      Awesome story. I know that my cats do understand some of what i say. At my old place i used to take my cats out back. When it was time to go in, i would call out their name an say "in", and they would go (since two picked on the other one sometimes, it had to be in order, otherwise they would wait for her). I have no clue how they picked it up.

      My cat Buddha is also very smart. One time he got out for a day. I was going to punish him by not letting him out for a week. Unfortunately i didn't let the other cats out that week either (for unrelated reasons). When i let them out again he got out again. This time i had to make sure he understood, and let the other cats out, but not him. He knew. He sat by the door looking out and didn't bother to scratch to be let out. After a week i let him out again, and he wouldn't leave the patio for 2 months. That's all it took.

      On the negative side, in the last few years i lost all of my older cats, mine and my grandmother's (some while my grandmother was still alive, but most after i inherited them). They all died from cancer, some in the jaw like you describe. My grandmother did smoke, but i don't (well, not cancer sticks anyway). Three different bloodlines, different environments, and 8 deaths from cancer.

      Most animals have purer souls than humans. To me that is proof against reductionist materialism, that nature is not full of vicious brutes by nature, only necessity. Otherwise, if Darwinism was as absolute as the materialists claim, it would have been selected out by now.

      The first to die was a beautiful golden cat who looked like a lion. He saw me through my darkest times. I've had plenty of sweet cats, but he was an angel. He had a 'presence' for lack of a better word. Not like a cat at all. Once after he died, i was in the woods, and saw a deer. It brought tears to my eyes because the way he looked at me, and moved his head reminded me of my Little One. Deer were, fittingly, to the Indians a symbol of innocence and peace. That was him.

    7. Anon 7.59. I think you need to give yourself a break. Unfortunately many pets die from cancer and a big spot you'll see it manifest is in their jaws. Especially if they've lived a good long life. My father's two dogs had the same thing, and he was not a smoker. Hated the habit. So rest your conscience.

    8. Thanks for the kind words 12:47.

  6. What a sick demonic World.Hope it ALL ends soon!

  7. Lastly, Chris, you have my heartfelt sympathies. I understand how heartbreaking this is. Unfortunately, this stuff seems to be the lot of those of us who are sensitive in this, the Kali Yuga. I personally have faith that this age will end, and maybe soon, but it's still not over yet and will still be rough going. All one can do is shine as much light as one can in this darkness, and try not to let your light burn out. To quote Roger Waters "each small candle lights a corner of the dark." Shine on.

  8. My thought also was "horomones". I lived through two post-partum depressions -- not my own but an ex-wife's. She was a potential danger to herself and those around her. Lucky for the kids, perhaps, I was handy for her to physically vent her frustrations. The police were involved on several occasions and based on their reports, had I wished to deprive her of her children through legal means, it would have been a cinch to do so. However come divorce time it seemed to me that would have destroyed her utterly, and might quite possibly have driven her to become homicidal. In the end I accepted the brunt of the living hell that was unleashed. The kids are alright but any trust or affection between the parents was destroyed, eventually. Of course there is also the consideration of what sort of magical works she engaged in the process. She was very capable, but not altogether smart about it. I'll never know the details, as she was careful to cover her tracks. Suffice it to say that magickal lore travels in some families -- sometimes handed down mother to daughter -- and likewise the psychic damage it does can be traced, generation to generation.

    1. Aye. Things get screwed up and passed down through generations. Both my parents did shitty things that I still can't wrap my head around. But in the end, my father told the truth, so we made our peace before he died. My mother still can't, so we live a lie. My siblings also choose to live the lie, just to not get involved. Fun times. I think this is not about magic but malice. Stick your head in the sand and all is ok.

    2. I wonder just how many people here have such backgrounds. Well, people who are too comfortable in life don't always develop the impetus to seek truth. Truth is often uncomfortable, and i think most here are truthseekers, trying to unravel the fabric of this so-called reality.

    3. People enter Faustian bargains sometimes without realizing it, sometimes cognizant that there is some kind of trade-off. The games they play affect generation after generation. It's hard to separate business as usual from magic, in the final analysis. But one thing I am constantly reminded of here, is that things could be worse. I could be too damaged or too afraid to say anything, much less process another's tale of woe. Here, at the very least least, there is safety in numbers.

    4. "Here, at the very least least, there is safety in numbers."

      Chris seems to be strange attractor. Judging by many stories here, there seems to be a whole herd.

  9. You may be stunned by this information, and have a more pluralistic view of demons and mental illness after listening to the interview.

    1. I'm still processing that show Charles. Wow!

  10. Chris,

    What horrid news. I can only offer my sincere hope that she finds the help she needs, and that her kids heal in body and mind so that the trauma they endured becomes a distant memory.

    Your account of the grave desecration had me on edge. As bad as things may have been I assumed you were going to say even worse. Talk about asking for it!

    I had a friend in junior high school who seemed to deteriorate mentally over the several years that I knew him. When last I saw him, shortly before we left for separate high schools, he was raving (I'm not entirely exaggerating) about the then-newly-released Simon Necronomicon, how he had been using it and that it worked "like a charm" (ugh). I recall him bragging that he'd caused a kid he didn't like to fall down stairs and break a leg, and to coerce a girl to date him. Bad news all around.

    I broke off contact with him after that, as much for his sinister magical activities as for the fact that he had _changed_. I don't mean to be dramatic, but his expressions had become grotesque in the real sense of the word, he laughed (tittered, really) all of the time, and he'd gained an intensity that might as well have been a black aura. Mental illness? Occult influence? Why not both. No idea where he ended up. A bad place, I'm sure. I can only hope he didn't hurt anyone else on the way.

    1. Children are particularly vulnerable to such energies and forces, both because of their inexperience as well as their own energies, which seem to act as magnets to such forces. Keel believed that they should be kept as far away from the occult and paranormal as possible. Now today it is everywhere and virtually impossible to avoid. A recipe for a truly demon-haunted world.

      When you try to use these forces to impose your will on others, there is a price to be paid. That is the nature of the universe, action and reaction. You make a deal with the devil, he's eventually going to collect. I too doubt it turned out well for your former friend. And junior high? Those pesky hormones are raging, and one's whole sense of identity is in turmoil. Doubtful there is a more precarious time.

      I also think this youthful energy can actually be felt. When i hold a kitten, for a while afterward i can still feel it in my hand, the younger the stronger it seems to be and the longer this sensation lasts. A banquet for some entities.

  11. Have you ever considered publishing an e-book or guest authoring
    on other sites? I have a blog centered on the same topics
    you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information.
    I know my readers would enjoy your work. If you're even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.

  12. My brother on drugs nearly killed me once (suffocation), and the malice i've seen in his eyes sometimes when he is on drugs is very frightening. He was the most beloved grandchild of my "psychic-witchy-christian" grandmother. She hated my mother and most of her evil deeds she did them through him. When a person loose his mind, i dont know if alouds company or gets kicked out entirely. Maybe it depends, but even now, even when i care about my brother but despise him also, i try no to cross him or even be in touch with him, my nose tell me he is dangerous.

  13. I’m not sure what to think anymore. Things were strange on occasion and have gotten stranger and more frequently. I’ve experienced some struff in the past few years and the only context that covers all tha has transpired is classical descriptions of Djinn. Including masquerading as other entities, working through people, acting from outside time and defying the physics of light.

    1. Djinn, faeries, demons, aliens, even some 'ghosts' may all be the same or at least closely related beings. Keel called them Ultra-terrestrials, since, whatever they are, they appear to have been here a long time, thus 'extra-' doesn't seem appropriate.

    2. I've got to agree with dan: it's crowded out there! So far as one redneck Sufi has been able to puzzle it out, there are...

      Djinn, most of which are evil, though that doesn't mean they're all together in their evil; *most* are in the service of Shaitan, working for the destruction of the Race: but some seem to have gone AWOL and went off on their own, doing their own evil thing; and a very few seem to have gone insane during the course of the Long War (these are the very most dangerous ones). But there are djinn that stand neutral in the War. And there are good djinn, who are on our side; but we rarely meet these, as they're instructed to leave us alone so long as this War lasts, and let us develop on our own (the djinn were originally to have been our mentors). And they can switch sides; my Imam liked to tell the story of the time he met a djinn that had done much evil, but who wanted to repent. He helped it to convert.

      Then there are the angels. The vast majority are on our side. But a few have fallen. Some of these have bred with human women; hence the obsession the archons have with ancestry and bloodlines. And a handful of fallen angels are still on earth,teaching the Race black magic. Bad thing is, the djinn can impersonate any of these.

      The fairies seem to be a Race just like us, only not entirely physical. Some are friendly, some not. They seem to be living lives that only rarely interact with ours; but when we cross paths, the results can be anything from beautiful to horrific. And the djinn can impersonate the little people, too.

      Ghosts can be the spirits of the dead, or just psychic residue. And, of course, the djinn can pose as them also.

      Aliens seem almost always to be malevolent djinn. But I'm *also* a big believer in actual, biological-not-physical, extraterrestrial life. Mars appears to have had a civilization deep in the past, with an outpost on our Moon; and there's some indication that our planet was colonized somewhere in the past. And Iapetus flatly appears to have been *built*. And none of this has anything to do with the djinn. Except that they love to take credit for it.

      Anyway: I hope this will be some use to anyone trying to sort this Universe out. Alternately, I hope it will provide someone a little entertainment.

      And cheers to all my fellow researchers, trying to expand our map of the World!

    3. Crowded is an interesting word for it. There are supposed to be in the order of 10^9 humans on Earth but what if you reached out in a random direction and found a place that hosted more than 10^30 souls. This is the sort of thing that the Kardashev scale asks us to consider. But is that sort of thing even considered crowded in a universe as big as ours? And what does it mean for the heart of a traveller on the western road to be lighter than a feather?

    4. Interesting Khadir. I wonder if one way to look at these entities is as different races of the same species. Djinn if i am not mistaken are like angels, beings of fire as opposed to us, being made of clay.

      You also reminded me of the story of the conversion of Tibet to Buddhism. As the legend goes, a monk came to Tibet and converted the resident demons, who then became protectors of the Dharma. What is most interesting though is that Tibet did change from a violent society of warriors to one of monks in very short order. Not a perfect society mind you, still plenty of assholes, but a drastic change nonetheless.

      As to actual extraterrestrials, i agree that they likely exist. John Keel opined that such a species, if visiting earth may be intrigued to see that we also are plaged by the same phenomena. As to Iapetus, i totally agree as well. I am unaware of any geological process that would allow for that ridge to form. If the pictures from Mars are to be believed (i generally trust the satellites but am doubtful about the rovers), there is much that is compelling. I am intrigued by Hoagland's work as well. Suspiciously, it seems that Mars has better resolution than the moon.

      Relatedly, what do you think of the moon itself? It seems to be one of the strangest bodies on our system full of freaks, and may be less dense in the center (possibly even hollow). It's apparent size being the same as the sun it extraordinary.

  14. Terrible news about your friend and hopefully everyone can heal.

    How strange also Grant Morrison pops up as I've been thinking about him these last few days and thinking about meme magic, how we're creators of our reality, all that stuff. Could the IG girl have created her reality with her tats? Kind of like Morrison did with his writing? I've been seeing effects of innocent memes lately, and in my own life. I keeps me on guard about what I put out there. I try to keep it positive, you know? I see shit happen that's too connected to stuff. I'm not victim blaming in the least, but rather wondering about fulfilling self-prophecies. I'm also thinking here was a good reason they used to preach about speaking gently. Memes and art, tattoos, writing, all that, is a form of communication and maybe we need to be more wary of what we put out there.

  15. I'd bet hormones are to blame in both cases, steroids in the bodybuilder's case (plus what kind of supplements was he using alongside?). It's shocking how quickly they can drive a person over the edge. If there is a crack in the psyche, a hormone overload can act like a crowbar that not only cracks that issue open, but smashes the whole mind to bits.


  17. One thing to learn from such a case is don't go against nature - 49 is very old, "fertility treatments" are unnatural.
    Another point: there are studies that mothers of mixed-race children can't relate that much on the limbic level with their offspring (or even feel alienated from it). Maybe this was a contributing factor. Genetically, a mixed-race child is farther away from the mother than a random child from her own race.

    Re hormones: One should not forget that maybe a third of the population is taking hormones regularly (trivialized as "the pill").

    1. Lets not forget Soy folks. The shit is in EVERYTHING...mayo, peanut butter..READ the ingredients. Its an endocrine disrupter...that means it fucks with your natural hormone balance...then add the pill, roids, fertility..and...Katie Kaboom! (Yeah that's right, no more aisan take-out either. Eliminating ALL soy really helped get me off the ledge...just sayin'.

    2. Asians have been eating soy forever although there may be a straw on the camels back type effect from eating too many soy products. Who can say.

      What are new are the amounts of chemicals everywhere including different types of plastics and fertilizers.

      Then cows themselves are directly fed with hormones. It's perfectly safe they say and doesn't affect humans at all they say. Well I trust them. It's not like there have ever been lies and cover-ups before. If I was going to run a cover-up I would blame everything on something like soy and then for the ultimate troll I would promote hormone milk as a healthy alternative to soy.

    3. US Food supply is full of added hormones.Also pharma drugs,household - personal care product chemicals and plastics contain disruptors : to cause turmoil.

    4. US soy is also mostly unfermented, unlike most of the soy consumed by Asians.

  18. Don't dismiss postpartum depression. It has been linked many times to shaken baby syndrome & other forms of child abuse:

    "A review of the literature suggests that a baby is more likely to be physically abused (also known as Shaken Baby Syndrome, or Abusive Head Trauma or AHT in the medical literature) by parents who are depressed in the postpartum, usually 2-3 months after birth. One of the main reasons is that these parents are having difficulty attaching to the baby in the first place. They may have trouble reading infant cues or responding to them appropriately. They may be sleeping and eating irregularly, and feeling ineffective and overwhelmed, and ambivalent about parenthood. This cumulative stress understandably tends to lower the threshold of self-control. But another important reason is that babies of depressed mothers are at higher risk for abuse is that the babies are often more irritable and resist soothing (stemming from attachment difficulty or even possibly inadequate care)."

    Having seen a friend go thru this & literally turn into a different person after having had a baby--& subsequently losing that baby due to neglect/abuse, I can assure you that this is both real & frightening. However, I don't wish to discount any possibility that a profound event in one's life like childbirth could leave one psychically vulnerable to say, possession/walk-in events. The archetype of the devouring mother exists for a reason:

    "Just like any archetype, the mother archetype has a positive as well as negative side. Her positive side is the birthing, nurturing and care giving, the comfort she brings to all souls as the Holly Virgin. She is ready to sacrifice her life for the sake of her child. Or she is the savior of the decayed men - The Sophia or the Wisdom of God from the Gnostic mythology.

    The other side, the negative one, is the devouring mother, depicted in such images as animals of feminine nature such as Gorgon. A few words about the Gorgon:

    In Greek mythology, a Gorgon [...] is a female creature. The name derives from the ancient Greek word gorgós, which means "dreadful". While descriptions of Gorgons vary across Greek literature and occur in the earliest examples of Greek literature, the term commonly refers to any of three sisters who had hair made of living, venomous snakes, as well as a horrifying visage that turned those who beheld her to stone. Traditionally, while two of the Gorgons were immortal, Stheno and Euryale, their sister Medusa was not, and she was slain by the demigod and hero Perseus. (From Wikipedia)"

    An observation: Childbirth was once the province of the midwife/healer; the ritualistic & spiritual nature of that went extinct by & large with the advent of western medicine. No doubt to our detriment as a society & as a species. Ie. just because western medicine doesn't believe in demons/spirits doesn't make them any less real. But you already knew that, right?

    1. Anony 1:54

      Globalised, rather than western, medicine, "the west" has been a well ploughed, seeded & harvested testing ground for what "the rest of the world" gets told is "western".

      & Gorgons? The furious (ofc justifiably) face of feminism, according to feminists, "feminism" being another program initiated in "the west".

      "Demons Come in All Shapes & Sizes"


  19. Seriously.Don't blame the horned God! Blame the USA's demonic pop culture brainwashing media king and queen :Beyonce and Jay Z.

  20. I'm sorry your friend & her family are suffering so much... One of the reasons I'm not even remotely considering hormone therapy is the very bad experience I had with my brief acquaintance with birth control. I tried NuvaRing, which is half the dose of regular pills. And still within a day I was reduced to a migrainous blubbering wreck. My whole energy felt wrong, I could feel it ringing against a ceramic coffee cup I was holding. Completely different frequency. My skin was crawling. Worse than the migraine was the clear realisation that suicide could totally be an option. Never touched the stuff again. I know birth control is a godsend for millions of women, also as a treatment for uterine issues. But there definitely is a downside to it. I can't imagine going through in vitro treatment which wreaks havoc on relationships as it is, be packed to the gills with even worse hormonal poison at an already volatile age (speaking from experience here), and suddenly having to care for three babies, even without a history of mental issues. Such a tragedy.

    About Greys as demons, they are both interdimensional beings with an interest in humans so I see them as not too dissimilar in some respects. Interestingly from what I hear from a friend who has been in contact with them, they are studying us because they are no longer able to feel love, let alone procreate. So that seems to tie in with this whole story thematically.

    Also, just today I had an FB conversation about Thai Sak Yant tattoos, which are basically getting a spirit grafted into your skin. To my mind, even 'regular' tattoos are likely to imprint you with their message, which is why for the life of me I can't understand people who have gruesome tattoos like that poor girl. It's asking for trouble. I have a tattoo myself with a strong message that some see as negative, and yes it is shaping my life. But that has been my own choice for my personal path. Not to be badass or rebellious. I'm convinced if I had done it for such a reason the results would have been far worse.

    1. Totally agree about the pill, especially how your whole energy changes, and not in a good way.

    2. There may be no difference at all between aliens and demons. The trauma suffered by many abductees shows them to not be very pleasant characters. The dark sexual, essentially rapist, behavior of ETs resembles that of the demons of yesteryear. Plus, those black eyes. In Hancock's Supernatural he relates his encounter under Ayahuasca with a 'grey', and how menacing it seemed. He barely avoided being 'abducted' by it. There are other similarities between the old demons and our modern 'greys' and 'reptilions' (who are sometimes reported together in the modern abduction lore) i am forgetting that i possibly first learned from Keel. There are modern Christians who make the same association, which has gone pretty mainstream. I have long considered the equation ET=demon to be valid.

    3. I feel strongly that the future has a gravity that pulls us toward it even as the past impels us forward. Her tattoos and Halloween outfits are just as much 'premonition' or retro-causal echo as unconscious creation of a disastrous future.
      Sad and hard either way.

    4. Dan, Yes I agree about the Greys.. I was also thinking of Hancock's book, and how he concludes that aliens seem to have replaced fairies in popular thought. Encounters with both kinds of beings have startling similarities despite their differences in appearance. No idea what that actually means though in terms of what they are. Just that there seems to be an age-old continuity in the presence of such beings.

    5. Martin, That's an interesting thought. The difference between premonitions and self-fulfilling prophecies can be very fine. I can totally see how a predilection for certain themes and symbols could be either or both.

    6. @Isabel
      There is a large variation in the descriptions given of the faeries as well, from little people to something like Tolkien's elves, hinting at the possibility that they may all be masks worn by the same beings, adjusted to the societies they interact with. Unusual strangers that seem to be what we now call Men In Black have also always been around, claiming an origin just out of reach. First it was from the next town, then the next nation, on to other continents, to Venus. Now that we are more familiar with our solar system, Zeta Reticuli.

      Hancock has definitely made a great addition to Keel's work, as well given independent confirmation to many of his conclusions.

    7. Isabel I think you're totally right about the raw power of hormone treatments and it's potential as a technology to do good things for people, and to do serious damage.

      It feels like the idea of forgetting how to love might be born out of not having been offered or shown enough Love.

      I have lots of thoughts on what the greys, or faeries might be... No doubt all of them wrong! Somehow or other it's a dance between us folk (not only human folk either mind you!) 'in form' and those other folk who aren't at the moment. Might human beings be a mask worn too, by something larger and odder? Wearing one mask or another is a means to better communication perhaps? Or a way of keeping a safe distance... Welding masks, gas masks, diving masks... Though once you're sure that you're not out of your depth maybe it's better to do away with masks entirely and free-dive!

      @Dan I'm really appreciating your full and rich comments these past months!

      @Isabel your writing somewhere about grief moved me to weeping when I read it last year - no idea how I found it but the timing was perfect and your expression so beautiful! Thank you.

    8. Thanks Martin. I am glad to contribute something positive and useful.

      Also, i have thought something similar to you about the intrusion of the future into the present. I am sure there are human agendas behind it as well, but the ubiquity of Apocalyptic themes seems like it is more than human. I have had clear precognitive dreams, so i have my own experience that shows the future may already exist. Does not bode well if true.

  21. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world,,,,,not a religious person by nature ,but I do believe things exist of which we know very little about...

  22. Reading about Eric Steltzer reminded me of Austin Harrouf. Gruesome. Found this statement: “Two months after the attack, Harrouff appeared on the Dr. Phil TV show and claimed he was fleeing a demon called ‘Daniel’ when crossed paths with the Stevens.”

    Harrouff had also taken steroids, but if I recall correctly, he said he was off of them at the time of the murders.

  23. Had a free afternoon yesterday and I thought I'd go to the London Tate Museum because why not? I wasn't expecting anything to hit me particularly hard, I've never been a great fan of modern art, with the exception of geometrical stuff - give me maths any time. But it did. Too many things to mention them all, so I'll just give one: One of the pieces was five black-and-white marble-looking stone benches in a circle, and if you looked closely, you'd see poems written on them, but you wouldn't notice unless you got close. This was one of the poems:

    My fear grows more powerful with every second
    I am powerful like a second of fear
    I am a universe of fear
    I am the universe

    Talk about horror and evil...

  24. Curious if you can reveal who the Boston Bruin was who bought your Dad's old house.

  25. Mary Poppins and steampunk are Alan Moore fetishes more than Morrisons. The little greys, on the other hand... Extraordinary post.

  26. Triplets at 49? No wonder she went nuts. I had twins in my 30s and that was hard enough. Extended periods of lack of sleep causes hallucinations and psychosis.

    It's not possible for one woman (or even a couple) to care for 3 newborns without a LOT of help. One falls asleep and the other(s) wake up screaming. Ad nauseum for months on end.

    No demons are necessary for this scenario.

  27. This is so heartbreaking. I pray for protection for this poor world and your friend and children and all of us here at the sun.

    1. Yea Chris, What can we learn from this? Pour out compassion. Om Mani Padma Hung. Your neck of the woods does sound mythical at times. Loving kindness to all. 87

  28. Acupuncturist, eh? Acupuncture was actually abolished as dangerous quackery by the Chinese Imperial Medical Academy in 1822. What we call "acupuncture" these days is mostly an invented tradition of the mid-20th century.

    1. Using that logic anything abolished is patently false. One thing Mao Tse-Tung did do was bring back acupuncture.

    2. "Acupuncture" as we know it today is mostly a modern invention / interpretation started by Chinese Nationalists and then continued by Mao's Communists. Puncturing the body with needles has never been widespread as people would get infections and the like. And the "Great Helmsman" himself got his treatments from a Western physician. Regularly piercing nerve tissues to trigger vaguely understood responses is just a dangerous idea. Even without demonic forces.

    3. While needles may be a new approach/modality, body meridians and chi have been part of Chinese medicine for ages.

  29. I heard people see those grey aliens with DMT and Hayahuasca
    Greetings from South America!
    How is that u r not a Flat Earhter? the idea must sound silly so you dont looked into it. If u heard the flat earth arguments for sure u would be a flat earther and your work would be so much incredible

  30. Wow, Chris. That was heart wrenching and I was feeling it as well for you, man. It's one thing to read about some stranger in the news opposed to knowing a person who has this shit happen to them. It is kind of like standing on the edge of the precipice that your acquaintance has fallen off into and you are trying to hold out your hand, but in your face is the stark recognition that it is too late and you have nothing to reach for but loss. I get it.

    Remind me to tell you the story of when, as a youth, I lived a few houses up from Mark David Chapman and his family in Decatur, GA in what can only be described as a deep dark hole of meta-psychosis.

  31. Thank you once again to the Internet's best commenters. I really want to respond in depth to your thoughts which I will try to do tomorrow. Today, I'm a bit done-in by all this, especially in light of some new information I've gotten. It's information I hope comes out at the trial since while it doesn't excuse Annie's alleged actions, it certainly goes a long way in explaining them.

    I'll just say this: why would an attractive, intelligent, charismatic and industrious person spend their whole life immersed in escapism mostly designed and consumed by people who are usually none of those things?

    I'd say probably because they were trying-- they needed-- to escape from something.

    1. It must be, as you say. How good people do bad things is generally less comprehensible than the fact sinners sometimes end up as heroes or saints. On a related note, good people who don't do bad things usually cannot understand much of this good-versus-evil business, even though it's right under their noses. Since they--neighbors, friends, family, law enforcement, medical professionals, etc -- are often the primary witnesses for the evidence, and are clueless, the evidence tends to be ignored and forgotten, and the real reasons for such tragedies as your friend's are utterly lost from view.

    2. As you've always said "the muses love broken vessels". Well, even moreso do demons.

      My extended family is much as you described your friend, gifted in so many ways. Yet all are essentially failures. My one cousin is very much into comics, and though never achieving anywhere near her potential is comparatively an unqualified success just by virtue of not becoming a drug addict, like her brother who made the news because of a 'crime spree' (nothing earth-shaking, some stolen cars, burglary, and possession). He's the smartest next to me in a family of geniuses and near geniuses, and has such a good heart. My brother is possibly the only success (manages a Starbucks now, but was moving into management at Walmart before he was 20). Drugs (including a few ODs), teenage pregnancy, etc. Even the least exceptional member of my family is still exceptional, and yet...

      It's hard enough for the gifted in this evil world, particularly if they have good souls, even without any additional trauma. Most of the best i have known are the most troubled, and some of them no longer among the living.

      I want to end this on a positive note however. This is not as clear to me now, being as i am still in the middle of my second Dark Night Of The Soul and my vision is once again clouded, but during my "bright day of the soul" certain spiritual truths imprinted themselves on my heart, and one was, as Maynard put it, "we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion". As i said, it is not as clear to me now, but it is still in my mind. Anyone who has been sick, like with the flu, knows how utterly horrible you feel. Yet it passes, and likewise so too will all of this pass. I have no doubt about reincarnation and a life beyond, and with this knowledge, the most horrible life is merely a period of sickness in the greater life of the soul. This Kali Yuga is an age of such sickness, but this age will end. This does not inspire me towards fatalism, i will fight this sickness tooth and nail to my last breath, but the horror does lose some of its potency. What happened to your friend, and what her children suffered through her, in the grand scheme, will be as nothing.

      Shine on.

    3. Yes Vagchandra, the battle between good and evil is overlooked. To quote Pierre Fermat "i surely have an admirable proof of this". Having lived much of the first 30 years of my life as an atheist, i sought truth in nature, in mathematics and physics and biology, but particularly living nature. I have found that there are spiritual truths written in metaphor into nature itself. One of these is the eternal battle between good and evil symbolized by the lions versus hyenas.

      One variation of the Zoroastrian creation myth starts with Ormuzd, the spirit of light, and Ahriman, the spirit of darkness. Ormuzd created light, and Ahriman became aware of him. Ormuzd went on in creating the universe, but everything he created, Ahriman, full of envy, poisoned. The proof of this is in lions and hyenas.

      Lions, representing the light, are fittingly beautiful, noble, and indeed are the archetype of nobility. For the most part the males remain together their whole lives, as do the females. The females raise their cubs together, the cubs being able to suckle from any of them, and if something happens to the mother, the others will care of them. They do not expel the sick as other species do, and crippled lions can often live despite, for instance, missing a leg. They show a sort of compassion towards their prey, in that, if done right, they can cause their prey to pass out while they are dying. They always kill before they eat.

      The hyenas, on the other hand.. They are known as the most vicious towards their own kind of any mammal, it is not uncommon for a dispute to end with a maiming, or part of their face ripped off. To our sight, they are as ugly, with their large, demonic black eyes. Their 'laugh' sounds like that of a madman. Their behavior matches their appearance. They use dens that only their young can enter, due to the threat from their own kind, and in that den, one of the females will kill the other females to ensure her own later dominance. The females grow what is called a pseudo-penis. Much like their close cousins, the meerkats, they are female dominated (not really a bad thing) but other female dominated species don't grow penises. This characteristic is of special note since they give birth through it. The young can get caught and suffocate, or more often, it can burst and they can bleed to death. They have the second highest rate of death during childbirth of any animal, second only to humans. Unlike humans however, no one will be raising the young. This is evidence against natural selection as the only factor in evolution, since the first to evolve this characteristic should have experienced negative selection. They, unlike, lions, eat their prey alive.

      But true to the myth, there is darkness in the lions, and light in the hyenas.

      Male lions will kill the existing cubs when they take over a pride, and though this is not common, they can be cruel when taking over. In one instance, a group of males ate the liver of the deposed male while he was still alive.

      One prolific NatGeo documentarian, Kim Wollhunter, had a very interesting experience with some hyenas. He was gathering footage, and saw an opportunity when a female left her den to get some footage of the young. She returned early, but was not upset. She allowed her cubs to get close, and essentially befriended him. His partner caught some amazing footage of the cubs coming up to him and nibbling at his toes, and once, the mother came up to him and he reached out and scratched her neck.

      This group had a particularly psychotic leader, even for a hyena, but his friend deposed her. Then due to this friendship, he had access to the group. He went with them on hunts. One remarkable piece of footage shows him at a kill, wedged between some hyenas who are tearing into a carcass. None dared touched a friend of the queen.

      [Split due to length]

    4. [Part 2]
      Lions and hyenas are mortal enemies. Male lions get a bad rap for stealing the kills of females, but having them is an advantage. Without males, their kills can be stolen by hyenas. (Males often let their cubs eat with them though, and males do help in bringing down large prey like buffalo. Their manes are a distinct disadvantage in hunting, being too noticable to prey, and before taking over a pride are of necessity mostly scavengers.) Males in fact LIVE to kill hyenas. It is a passion to them. Once, a lion, after killing a hyena, sat by the body until it was cold.

      Every day the battle between good and evil, the light and the dark, is being played out through their avatars, the lions and hyenas.

  32. “[Family life must have been different] in the days when a family had fed on the produce of the same few miles of country for six generations, and that perhaps was why they saw nymphs in the fountains and dryads in the wood - they were not mistaken for there was in a sense real (not metaphorical) connections between them and the countryside. What had been earth and air and later corn, and later still bread, really was in them. We of course who live on a standardized international diet…are artificial beings and have no connection (save in sentiment) with any place on earth. We are synthetic men, uprooted. The strength of the hills is not ours.”

    C. S. Lewis to his friend Arthur Greaves (pg. 909. of ‘The Collected Letters of C. S. Lewis’, vol. I, edited by W. Hooper.)

    "The strength of the hills is not ours", but something "standardized" & "international" makes use of & channels Itself through us.

    The alienation of contemporaneity is alien / foreign / other in origin, It has grafted Itself upon Humanity, taking advantage of our weaknesses, & has come to be thought of by us as "ours" even though the further we're immersed / marinated in It the more the tensions rise & destined explosions of violence occur, this demonic influence exploits these inevitabilities to present Itself as escapism from / cure for the very sickness It incarnates. Some abducted souls are forever ruined, lost, never to be seen or heard from by anyone again...

    Our Ancestors understood this hideously ornately glamoured realm in ways if not severed then occluded from our mediated & vicariated watch. How many of these hauntings / episodes of possession are entities attempting to wrest Humanity from the clutches of the demon-du jour (for our own good or their own ends I don't know)?

    Ours is not just "demon-haunted world" (science another demon), It's wholly possessed by forces beyond us.

    How to navigate this troubled firmament? Non-compliance "comes to mind".


    1. & vigilance, sovereignty, agency & autonomy (as means of healing) too.

  33. Flat earth is a fucking psyop. It’s purpose is to make anyone, no matter how valid their counter narrative, look like a blithering retard. You flat earth morons are making us ALL look bad. You are also helping to keep the masses on the cognitive plantation.

    1. The Triggering has begun.

    2. Agreed, Juan. I noticed there was a comment here that was removed stating just such nonsense. Every time I see comments like those it makes me cringe.

    3. Thats just you speculating, is just your opinion based on ignorance, Flat Earth is a reality.. is real science


  35. I saw no mention of her possible drug use, though this article popped up today about the conspiracy-obsessed Max Spiers, whose inquest has only recently taken place. Turns out he had quite a drug habit. Yet reading between the lines, what was truly haunting him? The drugs, or the truths he knew that may have driven him to drugs? And note the reference to his belief he was targeted.

    Other posters have mentioned the idea of the "haunted bloodline." This article about people with specific neurological traits gives some credence to this:

    In other news, our latest wonder in the sky is our very second repeating Fast Radio Burst:

    For the math heads, a look at the special numbers called octonions and their special role in 8 dimensional space. Way above my math skills though this quote "Octonions are to physics what the Sirens were to Ulysses." caught my eye.

    And for a real laugh, the prudes at CES finally put their foot down and decide the sex has gone to far this time. No robot vibrators for her!

    1. Max Spiers, RIP. What did he know and when did he know it?

  36. Since geomagnetism comes up here from time to time, blame Canada for letting those pesky Russians pull the geomagnetic north pole their way with their secret liquid iron sloshing weapons!

    "Something strange is going on at the top of the world. Earth’s north magnetic pole has been skittering away from Canada and towards Siberia, driven by liquid iron sloshing within the planet’s core."

    The Cypocalypse has arrived:

  37. It’s a too simple explanation for what changes in hormones can do to young women in their middle to late twenties when clinical depression can rear its head as hormones surge. Mental disturbances such as ranging from bi-polar instances, borderline personality disorder and possibly more can be be produced due to the havoc hormones can create. Psychiatry is studying this particular age of women for how and why depression most often afflicts the groups. Often there is drug abuse for self treatment, but the keys seems to be the signs of some having lived in abusive homes, some being just different at birth as in with early chronic depression and some actually develop symptoms with the changes in hormonal output or maybe the endocrine’s failure to produce enough.

    A child of mine developed bi-polar depression at age twenty eight. While she hid it from us, she was sure the gypsy auto dealer who sold her a car was following her every day for two years. When we realized how ill she was she was admitted to the Menninger Clinic where she told doctors we had abandoned her which of course we hadn’t. But what the clinic found was she now had brain damage from abusing Ritalin and had a host of disorders due to the same. She’s properly mediated today with a great son and a daughter on the way. But her having fit into the age group who seems to manifest disorder might have caused her to self medicate with drugs to make her happy and feel more normal, and even to do permanent brain damage which exacerbated clinical depression. Blew it up in fact. Hormones, we were told, were the initial spark.

    Drugs, alcohol, hormones are a volatile cocktail for these women so I can only imagine what your friend may have suffered mentally, Chris. Throw an abusive past in the mix and there are probably real demons to blame for her downfall. By that I mean the human kind.

    I’m very sorry for her and hope she somehow gets treatment that will do her a lot of good. That takes time and a lot of treatment,

  38. Mental illness happens. It is probably a mistake to imagine it is just one thing. Like almost everything else, a confluence of factors likely vector in.

  39. In answer to CLK'S question... I'd really hate to speak without knowledge, so I'll keep my comments general.

    It's been my experience that people who throw themselves into their hobbies (usually of the fantasty/RenFaire type, but it can be anything) are trying to distract themselves (not usually consciously) from a life experience they can't assimilate. For instance, years ago, up in Indiana, I had an acquaintance who was obsessed with RC cars; I mean he owned model cars that cost more than any vehicle I'd ever drove: and pretty much all his spare money and free time went into his hobby. Once I got to know him, I found out that he'd gotten into RC cars after a nasty divorce he'd never really got over.

    When it comes to early childhood abuse, the effects are usually more severe and last a lot longer. And, strangely, early abuse can open one up to all sorts of influence from the Unseen World.

    Part of the training for most mysticisms (which are voluntary, and open only to mentally healthy adults) involve practices (prolonged fasting, for instance, or keeping vigil, or reading the same verse of scripture 100 times a day), would rightly be called child abuse if anyone other than grown men were involved. And training as a Mystic opens one up to the Unseen World in just the same way as abuse does.

    My old Imam (who could see through people like window glass), when I asked him to initiate me into the Sufi Brotherhood that he was the local head of, frowned, shed one signal tear (and he'd been through a civil war in his own country; the old man did not cry easily), and said, "I can teach you, but I cannot make you a Sufi. You were made a Sufi when you were a child."

    So it wouldn't surprise me at all if Annie's interest in the New Age and her later harassment by djinn- I mean, UFOs and the Greys- wasn't something similar; she'd unknowingly and against her will been initiated as a child. (For the record, in my Brotherhood, to attempt to initiate anyone who is not a grown man or woman who has volunteered for the Path (And been warned of its difficulties and dsngers) earns automatic and total excommunication).

    This is off topic, but it all ties in with my theory that the archons take promising young people, see to it that they're abused, in the hopes of creating Oracles who can see into the Unseen World.

    Apologies if I've been rambling. As always, CLK, keep up the stellar work. And my condolences for the entire situation. And I commend ALL involved to the Light.

    1. Perhaps all that waits for us in the end is second childishness and mere oblivion. Beyond the grasp of the demented pushers of that destructive drug called "wisdom". The ones who claim martydom and persection while at the same time burning their enemies. The ones who claim to hate gnosis and claim to understand true reality while gleefully distorting every empircal phenomena that they encounter until it is no longer recognisable.

      They create oracles just so they can distort what they are told to add some trace of authenticity to their wretched lies. Perhaps in the end all they really want is stock market tips, being hoplessly addicted gamblers.

    2. Agreed, anything that changes dramatically your perception of the world should not be done before at least the age of 21, with full knowledge of what is involved, and full acceptance of what could happen. Anything else is abuse.

    3. Khadir, this is a really perceptive and interesting comment. The links between childhood abuse and oracles, the underworld etc are very intriguing to think about. The anecdote about your Imam telling you that you’d already been made a Sufi is honestly heart wrenching.

      On an unrelated note I had a very interesting synch happen in December that related to a comment of yours here on the sun. You had posted some stories about Appalachia that piqued my interest, but which I promptly forgot. About a week later a friend of mine flew me out to Maryland so we could pick up his sister’s old car and we ended up driving through the Appalachians on our way back to Indiana. It was my first time in that region in my life and I found myself remembering those comments of yours. So I guess technically now I’ve had two synchy, or somewhat syncs, relating to geography and your comments on this blog

    4. Khadir 1:53 and Anon 9:21
      First this; 'Gnosis' and 'Reality'.
      Polar opposites.
      'Djinn' are 'Plasma' beings.
      NOT the 'Greys'.
      A reminder; ALL of this is an aspect of the 'Demigurge'.
      We see 'its' programs 'running'; defining and molding, and self policing this 'La La Land'. (Greys)
      My honest opinion; 'they' are an 'aspect' of US; a future/past outcome now being manipulated to CHANGE 'history' (no such thing)
      The 'abusers' in this are mere puppets; siphoning essence to those whom exist to FEED.
      Parasitical predatorial ACTION.
      Change THAT if you really want to commence 'CHANGE'!
      Everything is feeding on everything 'here'.

    5. @Sophie: many thanks! It's always great when another Secret Sunner finds a comment of mine useful. Of course, once CLK's done the heavy work of collating all the info, it's easy to make connections...

      Your personal sync of driving home to Indiana through Appalachia was also a personal sync for me; because, even though I'm Appalachian born and raised, and am living back in Appalachia now, I spent nearly two decades living in Indiana (in the far North of the state, the part they call Michiana).

      So a discussion of Synchronicity led to a personal sync which also synched up as someone else's personal sync!


  40. Did you know Abraham Lincoln was a poet? And a good one at that. "My Childhood Home" Part II tells of an acquaintance of Abe's who went mad. Very descriptive.

  41. I'd like to thank everyone again for weighing in on this so thoughtfully. As it stands at the moment, I need to step away from this issue. I hope it all works out and I'm still just stunned by what has happened but I have to get my head out of it now.

    I have my opinion on this, knowing Annie for so long. I'm not trying to make excuses for her but there's simply no question in my mind that something is driving this, not the least of which is this horrific medical witchcraft that pumps a woman nearing menopause with artificial hormones. Based on what I know I believe very strongly that there is a very old wound that was never healed-- or perhaps even addressed-- and did what these wounds usually do when allowed to fester.

    1. Yes, of course Chris. God bless.

  42. My grandmothers mother committed suicide when my grandmother was two. She was raised by her father who molested her. My grandmother was very promiscuous but only had my mother. My mom was born from one man, named after another and then adopted by my grandfather. My grandmothers brother committed suicide when my mom was a child. My mother had me at 15 and then began her 25+ year addiction to methamphetamines. I was moleated by 2 different people from the ages of 4 to 11. Thus making me fairly promiscuous in my younger years. I had an uncle who died of AIDS so I was mostly careful. Never got an STD, but I do suffer from anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I see a counselor but am not on meds. I am now happily married (but we have our issues) to a man who has helped me tremendously. He has given me a second chance at life. My mother is 12 years sober now. My sister who is 15 years younger than me has a wonderful job and things are and have been looking up. But I also thank the Great Spirit i am homosexual mainly because if I were to have a child i would have continued that same cycle. I love children have always wanted one but I have too much going on (emotionally, spiritually and psychologically) to raise a child and it not turn out "damaged". I have always wondered if maybe my family had some sort of "spirit attachment". I began to study religiin, spirituality, and the occult (although i do not practice) and i feel as though maybe this is slowly wearing off? Maybe because we are aware of it now? IDK.

    Just a side note my grandmothers grandfather was 2nd cousins with Bonnie Parker. Alot of my family memebers are in prison for different things (Ranging drom drug dealing to counterfeiting money to murder) and have always wondered if maybe that was part of the spirit possession. Just some random thoughts.

  43. “Why Physicists Are Hunting the Strangest of the GHOST Particles...showering down from the DEPTHS of space.”
    Be wery qwiet wewe hunting wabbits

  44. About 10 years ago, I was about 21, a friend of mine had been dating this kid. They were both a couple years younger, so they were fresh out of high school. Any way, she broke up with him but we still saw him from time to time. Really nice kid, a big hippie. Seriously one of the most calm and polite guy I'd ever met. Anyway, he was no stranger to smoking herb or doing psychedelics. I had partaken with him and others a number of times to know that he handled being under the influence very well. So a little while after this break up and not seeing him as often, we all found out he took a bit of acid while home alone. His dad came home and went into his room and this kid flipped out on his dad and stabbed him over 20 times killing his own father. He was only 19 I think at the time. He is now spending his life in prison. He can be looked up. His name was Liam macauly from Chicago IL. I always think of him when I hear stories like those that you've shared. There's no way it was him or the drugs he was so use to taking. I fully believe it was demonic. Sry for all the personal struggle you feel from this. I too can obviously relate. It's one thing you read about all this evil day to day and it's a whole other beast when you personally knew the people involved.

  45. A family member may suffering from Demonic Obsession, a somewhat milder form of possession. I was thinking about saying more about this, and my family history as background, especially as it touches so many Secret Sunish themes. Khadir's recent comments, and then Mooncub's solidified it. I considered the idea that my family may be some sort of dark archonic experiment for some years.

    Most of my life has centered around my mother's family, and that center has always been my grandmother. We can trace her ancestry back to Jamestown and the Mayflower. Much of it consists of religious folk, Puritans, Amish, and a lot of Quakers. Further back (and mostly through those groups) to many knights, lords, and kings, like Alfred the Great, Charlemagne. Perhaps mythologically, back to Odin. I have reasons to believe i may have some of that fallen angel blood in me (and that through my father's side as well), but those reasons are beyond the scope of this. Suffice to say, i have some of those bloodlines that may be interesting to some entities, both corporeal and perhaps non-corporeal as well.

    My grandmother was born in a tiny town in the corner of South Carolina (Valhalla) on, of all days, June 24, a special day going back to the most ancient times, and still of major occult significance. It may be the most paranormal day of the year. Her mother was only 16 when she was born, her father in his 20s. Her father was an alcoholic, and repeatedly raped her, and apparently allowed others to as well. You can guess the effect that had. She was hard, cold, and sometimes could be vicious. However, she was a warrior, and was never completely corrupted. She always had a deep concern for living things would be a part of her until her last day, human or animal. She always took in strays. When my mother was young, she took care of some neglected kids, and when their mother abandoned them, took in those strays as well for a while, before she had to turn them over to the state. She had a neighbor she really didn't know that well, but stayed with him while he was dying so that he wouldn't die alone. She would never give a homeless person money, but if they were outside a store, would go in and buy them something. Once there was a cat in the street, and some asshole sped up gunning for it. She stepped out into the street. She told me "if he wanted to hit that cat, he would have to run me down too".

    I am tearing up right now thinking about her. I was her favorite, probably because i was the most like her. We had our fights too, but i loved my grandmother, and was closer to her than i have been to anyone. What's more, she is one of the only humans i ever truly respected, for reasons that should be obvious. If you wanted warmth, you were out of luck, but aside from that, you could always count on her to do the right thing.

    Once when she was a child, her father was late taking her to a friends house. The other girl waited, but before she got there her friend was killed by lightning. The girls parents blamed her.

    She escaped to the Army. Stationed in Europe during Korea, she fell in love with Germany. When she got out, she settled in Philly. A short time later met my grandfather, who though thoroughly American, was born in Germany (and also twice her age). He was an interesting character. One of the first bikers (pre-WWII) and had tons of tattoos, and during the war flew on a bomber (you had to be tough to do that in the days before pressurization). He was also quite intelligent and inventive. Good breeding stock, and honestly, i think that was what my grandmother saw in him. He was quite a ladies man and already had a few kids with other women, but was getting older and settled down with my grandmother. I know it's nothing he got from HIS father, but he did beat her. He still supported his children, but for some years my grandmother raised her children alone. She always worked and took care of herself.

    [End of part 1]

  46. [Part 2]

    So much for my mother's parents, now to my father's. His mother was schizophrenic. She was a lovely woman really, harmless. In many ways too perfect (called stereotyped thinking). She was 33 when my father was born, her second child. My legal grandfather abandoned them when my father was 7 (his older brother was then 18). Many years later, my father tried to get in touch with his father, but was spurned. Not so with my uncle though. There are some traits that suggest he may not have been my grandfather though. I look like my father in many ways, but neither of us resemble my legal grandfather or my uncle, and none of those traits, which are typically germanic, are present in my grandmother's family. So it is a bit of a mystery where my Y-chromosome comes from.

    My grandmother comes from a large and very close Irish family, so she always had a stable support structure. However, she really wasn't sane, and it wasn't easy for my father. She unfortunately also fed into his narcissistic tendencies, resulting in a full blown personality disorder. As is typical for those from unstable environments, he turned to drugs, meth and coke being his favorites, but alcohol was his lifelong companion.

    My maternal grandmother told me there were drunks and alcoholics. Her father and mine were alcoholics, her husband was a drunk. The difference as i see it is that alcoholics 'change'. They become evil. Even in pictures, you can see in in their eyes. There is a malevolence.

    I know that 'recovered memories' exist, contrary to some propagandists claims. I have received independent confirmation of some. One was my father with a gun to my mother's head. He did it just to terrify us. My mother told me how it happened. He came home in one of those moods. She told him not to scare the children. He got a, as she put it, 'shitty grin'. He never hit my brother and i, but would viciously beat my mother. He abused us in other ways though, he liked to play mind games. My brother did escape most of this though, being younger. His earliest memories were during a somewhat stable period, and after my mother finally kicked him out, he really wasn't around (though that negligence also hurt my brother, better that than the alternative).

    He was always a threat though. He was a stalker. I had PTSD for years and always had to have a weapon handy. You never knew when he would show up. As time went by, he became increasingly delusional and psychotic. Until the day he died, there wad always the concern that he would kill my mother. He died a couple years ago. My grandmother always said i would go to his funeral, like she went to her father's, to make sure he was dead. As i approached the funeral home, i laughed. I felt light, free. I no longer had to protect my mother.

  47. [Part 3]

    Back to my mother's family.

    My grandmother had 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. There is an unusual pattern to birthdays in my family. My oldest uncle was born on Jan 25. 17 months to the day later my second uncle was born-- on the day after my grandmothers. His daughter (lets call her Cindy for Cinderella) was born on Jan 24, the day before my uncle's birthday. Her mother was born on April 5, the day after my aunt's birthday (the youngest of the 4). My aunt's eldest, was born 17 days before her mother's birthday. Lets call her Cam, since she's the one who's big on comics. Cam's father was born on Aug 4, the day before my mother's birthday. I name those two cousins also because they are some of the more significant ones as well.

    Now, for those keeping score, all of my grandmother's children have birthdays paired with my grandmother herself, my cousin, and the parent of that cousin, and the parent of another. What's more, they follow the pattern 24,25,4,5,24,25,4,5. There are relations to death as well. My blood-aunt, Cam's mother, died on her own birthday, 4-4, after being in a coma for a week. Cam's father was murdered about a week before his own birthday. His wake was on his birthday, and he was buried on my mother's. My grandmother died on the 6th, the day after my mother's birthday. My grandmother was born on St John's day, and died on the festival day of Nut, mother of the gods in Egypt (something i learned on this site).

    Both of my aunt's, whose birthdays are 'twinned', died of overdoses. They were also two of the most important people to me. One Cam's mother, the other Cindy's.

    Cam's father was in the Navy when he was murdered. He was stabbed 17 times by 3 men (3-17). His birthday, 8-4, is the helical rising of Sirius. The Navy was not very forthcoming with information on his death, we don't know any more than i already mentioned.

    Cam's brother, the one who went on the 'crime spree' had a different father, but was essentially orphaned when their mother died. He also witnessed a murder when he was young.

    Their mother was an addict most of her short life. The reason for that was she was gang raped when she was 13.

    Cindy's father later remarried, and she became Cinderella, complete with evil stepmother and stepsister. The evil stepmother cut us all out, and poor Cindy was left believing no one cared for her. Many years later, she cried when Cam told her how much we tried. My grandmother never would have given up, especially on family. The evil stepmother even returned birthday cards. The evil stepsister was truly the most psychotic person i have ever known. Cindy of course ended up on drugs as well, though she turned herself around, and now has two daughters.

  48. [Part 4]

    My oldest uncle also married an alcoholic, who had an absolute hatred of men. She screwed up her 3 kids as well, but particularly her son, who also turned to drugs. The oldest girl was a nasty piece of work (like mother, like daughter), but i gather has straightened herself out somewhat and has a family. That cousin was particularly cruel to me. The youngest also avoided most of the pitfalls, just like my brother. She was managing a McDonalds while still a teenager i think. She was actually her mother's boss. Some people are successful due to their deeper issues. Success becomes their drug.

    My brother didn't come out unscathed though. He too was deep into comics, and what i knew of them before i started to read Secret Sun was mostly through him. I was more of a Trekkie myself. Though he has a mostly normal life, he never faced his problems either, and though it is not so extreme, it is obvious he is still indulging in some escapism in order to not deal with his deeper issues. He is gay and in a stable relationship, but in many ways you can see in some ways they are TOO close, something i think is an overcompensation for the lack of intimacy he experienced in childhood. I know it is normal for some people to be homosexual, but i do think in his case it may have something to do with my mother (Jung claimed to have cured someone if it).

    Back to Cam. Not surprising that she indulges in escapism. Losing her father when she was a baby, having an unstable mother, and raised mostly by a remote grandmother. She is the oldest if the cousins after me, and probably had the worst childhood, also after me. She has more awareness of her problems, but is still very blind to them. Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, etc. She is also probably the one closest to the Unseen. She once had a discussion with the dead brother of her son's father in a dream. Among other things, he inquired about how his brother was doing. She also had a vision of her son before he was conceived. She knew she would have a redhead named Dan. (Real name, he is named after me. We were close growing up, like brother and sister.) Our grandmother was the one who taught her how to control her dreams. She still talks to our grandmother. (I talked to my grandmother at least once, and probably twice. Will get to that later.) I wonder if her parents were in some way sacrifices, meant to increase her potential.

    I will get to my mother and me hopefully tomorrow. The worst was focused on my mother, and through her to me. Actually, in many ways i am the most successful, i should have either killed myself or become a serial killer, and avoiding even that fate took a strength that Jung described of himself as 'demonic'. I wilfully stepped through my shadow.

  49. [Part 5]

    My mother is a recipe for possession. Her mental state began to deteriorate as my grandmother's health failed. I went looking for answers, and read the entire DSM-V (skimmed over some few things like the paraphilias). In addition to autism, Major Depressive Disorder, and 3 (and a half) major personality disorders, there was something else wrong i couldn't figure out. (Will save my criticism of the DSM. It has definite utility, but VERY flawed too.) I read some other things too without luck. It was while reading John Michael Greer's "Monsters: An Investigators Guide" when i found the missing piece. It was Demonic Obsession. It can resemble MPD (now DID). The one thing that stuck out as a criteria was that they do things that "don't make human sense". She was engaging in behaviour that seemed intentionally self destructive, like eating meat she knew was probably rotten without even smelling it, just devoured it (and was then violently ill for days). That was when i knew something was SERIOUSLY wrong. In retrospect it's right out of Exorcist.

    It's worth going into that recipe.

    I have known for a little over 4 years now that i am autistic. Self-diagnosed, but i know myself very well, and had many sayings about myself that matched all the primary and much of the secondary criteria. Many of those characteristics run in my family, which i always knew was different. In addition to myself, Cam and my mother certainly have it. Being extremely conservative, i can only say it is almost certain that my grandmother had it too, and very likely Cam's brother and Cindy. Autism alone invites trauma. Social people are very often unsympathetic and sometimes outright belligerent to people who are not properly social. 50% are OCD, and combine that with other things like GAD, more than half of us suffer from anxiety disorders. A full third if us have PTSD. That's without additional trauma.

    It is considered a developmental disorder. How that expresses is variable, but we are often 'childish', simple. I have always considered myself simple-minded like an animal, but realized this simplicity is much like a small child. At age 5 my thinking in many respects was more advanced than most will achieve. I figured out things about math they didn't teach until highschool (when they even used to teach it) and i could see how manipulative advertising was (how big a scoop are those 2 scoops of raisins), but, though nearing 40 am still a simpleton like a 5 year old.

    This is important here because my mother may never gotten past her terrible twos. There may be something else neurologically wrong with her which makes everything exaggerated.

    Between her and my grandmother it was a disaster. My mother's sense of rejection due to my grandmother's remoteness was exaggerated. She also thinks that many things people do are them picking on her. It is common for autistics to be picked on, especially once people (and not just kids) realize we are simple. This got exaggerated into a full blown persecution complex.

    She also exhibits all the stereotypic negative female behaviors, like storing up her grudges without addressing the issue. If something slipped your mind, instead of reminding you, she would say nothing and hold it against you, just waiting for a chance to use it. She holds grudges from when she was 5.

  50. Dan,

    You sound like a good man. Could I gently suggest to associate with your family as it fits you, if you haven't already. My mother holds grudges against me too, for me when I was about 10. It still rears it's ugly head from time to time. At which time I raise hell. Get angry. It works. My mother shuts up. Throw it back in her face. It probably won't work on your other relatives, but your mother knows what she has done, and if you raise holy hell she will leave you alone, and just maybe will respect you.

    All I can say, it worked for me. Not putting up with her bullshit, calling it when it came up, telling her she was lying. It took a good 15 years and even now it still happens, but now she thinks twice about manipulating me, because I scream blue murder to everyone, even if they choose to ignore me.

    It could cause a schism between your family, but that was worth it for me. What have you got to lose? Be free, and god bless.

    1. Yes, learning to call out a fucked up family on disrespectful unhealthy BS is one of the few ways to maintain integrity and stay sane, though not playing the game at all is sometimes best and healthiest. Cutting ties, or at least strictly limiting them (with boundaries our families never had) has served many of us well.

      And dan, thanks bunches for your insights. Some of us come late to investigating the family skeletons so I admire your work. It's only been a few short years since I finally tuned into the haunted aspy lineage of my family in ways that are both horrific (upon understanding the magnitude) and yet oddly comforting in a finally-figured-it-out way.

      Now knowing who I am and where I'm from is empowering as I've found people who don't hold my family, past or genetics against me. Some amazingly supportive women appeared in my life recently who accept me for who I am, when before I was an unloveable "cover" I'd present to hide my family scars and our defects. It's been tremendously healing to find people who treat me more family than family. Hope any troubled souls here find something similar.

  51. Indeed sometimes things can be so toxic that all one can do is to get away, for the sake of one's own sanity. Some people cannot be saved, some don't WANT to be saved. My mother actually told me she doesn't want to get better! I have been estranged from most of my family for a while anyway. And none of them were there for my grandmother in her last days save me and my mother, even though my grandmother was ALWAYS there for them, and despite everything she did for them, so screw 'em! My grandmother was great at hiding such things, but i knew her well enough to know how much that hurt. Well, i was her favorite anyway, and i was there.

    I recommend everyone read the book Unholy Hungers. Its premise is that many of those toxic relationships can be seen as vampiric. Written by a psychologist, it approaches it from a Jungian perspective, using myths as well as other stories to illustrate them as well as ways to overcome them. There are both feminine and masculine vampires and victims (4 combinations in all).

    @anon1 re mother. I know how that is, my mother has been holding a grudge against me most of my life too. I had confronted her more constructively many years ago, and we got along essentially as friends. She has regressed though, and i have had to resort to such actions as you describe, with some limited effectiveness. My mother maybe knows what she has done to me at some level, but her guilt only increases her hatred and rage. Like the borg, any weapon becomes ineffective after one or two uses. No matter how great her offences are, she just expects it to be dropped. The most minor perceived infraction on my part is to be constantly relived. I am stuck with her right now, but a time may come when i have to cut her out. I know that this is part of my trials and tribulations in this my Dark Night Of The Soul. I was listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall, and just shortly before The Trial came on, i was thinking just that. At the EXACT instant that that song came on, the phone rang. I know dealing with her is part of my spiritual evolution.

    @anon2 "thanks bunches for your insights." Glad to hear this, since this is what i was hoping for. Given how many of Chris' readers apparently are trauma victims, i thought it would have a cathartic effect. To know that there are others like you with the same experiences is helpful, just like you mentioned about discovering being an Aspie. I know that finding that out helped put much of my whole life in perspective, especially after reading WrontPlanet and seeing that those things that were so unusual about me and my family were shared with others, and how much their experiences were like mine.

    Likewise with trauma and mental illness. If i didn't experience it myself, someone i loved did, so i hoped it would be helpful to know others who have dealt with it, and more importantly, survived. I appreciate Chris giving space to air these issues.

    There is a bit more to come. I have a bit more on my mother, and then my own traumas, and my spiritual evolution. Much of it follows what St John of the Cross wrote about the Dark Night Of The Soul in his Ascent Of Mount Carmel. I recommend reading that too. There is light at the end of the tunnel. More to come.

    1. [Part 6]

      Psychic wounds are much like physical ones. If untreated, they can become infected, and eventually may poison your whole system. Some people may pick at the wound, making it even worse, but ultimately the effect is the same. You become consumed by foreign bodies. And the larger the wound, the greater the danger. A small scratch may heal on its own, but deeper ones make you more vulnerable.

      Typical escapism is ignoring it and covering it up, pretending it doesn't exist. Others nurse the wound, pick at it, and ultimately invite greater infection. My cousin engages in the former, my mother the latter. In the end however, they are merely two sides to the same coin, and they don't look so different in the end. The original pain is still the same, and the damage is there. The most common symptoms are hatred, rage, depression, and anxiety. Mix and match. You can try to run from your internal demons, but in the end, you cannot outrun yourself, and are eventually consumed by them. Which may lead one to being consumed by external demons. (I am still on the fence as to the nature of demons, whether they are independent external entities or are an innate archetype. The results are the same either way.)

      Both my cousin and mother were raised by the same woman, in the same house, with similar genetics (including autism). My cousin, who is into the whole comic world, tries tries to run away, but has depression and anxiety, and under stress it also flares up in rage. My mother picked at and nursed her wounds, and this expressed itself primarily as hatred and rage, but also with a large dose of depression (though my mother also dabbled in escapism through comics as well as a child).

      Psychologists will tell you that the worst thing you can do is dwell on sleights. As the Buddha said (one of the greatest psychologists) in the Dhammapada "'He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,'--in those who harbour such thoughts hatred will never cease." Ignoring wounds, and not addressing the pain is only marginally better.

      Holding grudges is how my mother dealt with her life. She is a 'rage-aholic', which is a particularly fitting term as they present in a nearly identical manner (and as my father was an actual alcoholic, i have intimate experience with both). Rage is addictive, something i know personally, spending a great deal of my younger life full of hatred and rage from about age 9 through my 20s. It consumes you.

      Maynard of Tool says gets it right in The Grudge. "Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise it all comes down. Justify denials and grip them 'till the lonesome end." and "Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity. Calculate what you will or will not tolerate. Desperate to control all and everything. Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen."

      Healing can only occur when you confront the pain, turn around and inward and face the demons. I know this personally too. I leave the rest to Maynard:

      Wear the grudge like a crown
      Desperate to control
      Unable to forgive
      And sinking deeper
      Saturn comes back around
      Lifts you up like a child
      Or drags you down like a stone to
      Consume you till you

      Choose to
      Let this go

      Give away the stone, let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor
      Give away the stone, let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold

    2. My dads family is Irish. My paternal grandmother's mother was 100 percent Irish. I am 40 percent. My grandmother passed away when I was six so my eldest aunt became the matriarch of the family. She would tell me stories about some of my grandmothers antics. While her brothers were alcoholics my grandmother did not drink. She was a large woman who had 6 kids and took care of the other children who did not have a steady home life. She was also very generous. According to my aunt she was also very intuitive. To the point of telling police where a missing girl was when she had been kidnapped at the local school. This was in thevearly 60s late 50s. She told police that she would be at the city dump and had been left to die there. She was there and the girl lived.

      Another story is that one of my aunts' mother in law came with her new husband to Thanksgiving and my grandmother took one look at the man and told himbto get the f#$k out of her house. She explained to my aunt that he was molesting her step daughter and that she needed to get her away from him. Of course like Cassandra, no one listened and my grandmother was deemed "crazy" but years later Scooter ( my aunts step daughter) admitted that he had been abusing her for years.

      I know my Irish family is from Cork County Ireland, but havent investigated anything further. But I know how the old Irish use to get down. Maybe my grandmother's intuitiveness was a hand me down. I myself am not very intuitive but I am an empathic sponge who just soaks up everyones emotions sometimes wondering why I feel so strange until I figure out that they are not truly my feelings. I hate it sometimes. But it does help me have a better understanding of why people act the way they do.

      For instance my moms mother. She was not just promiscuous but also very snooty and condescending. At a young age I knew it was a defense mechanism. I just was not aware because of what reason. I could see past that rough exterior and saw pain. For all the bad she did she wanted to do good. She just did not know how. She raised me for the most part and i was devastated when she passed away.

      I could tell she wanted to be a better person but had no one to help her. She was my Nana and i miss her but hope she has the peace that she could not find in this existence.

      My dads mother passed away from a brain aneurysm but she came to me in a dream when ilI was like 7 or 8. My family and many other families were at the cemetery waiting for the dead to return for that one day. They were coming from a giant cave in taxis. We got to spend the day with her and have a picnic, talk, etc. But by sunset they had to leave back to the Underworld. When she left i remember my grandmother telling me that she loced me and that life woukd be hard but to stay true to my heart, take care of those I love, and help others and that the hard would give way to the betterment of myself. That was the last time i ever dreamt of her. Her message was heard.

    3. Dan my moms mother was born on July 25th and then my sister was born July 26th. My cousin on my dad's side was born on St Paddys day, my mother on the 18th, my loser ex on the 19th and my husband on the 20th of March. Always felt those were fairky strange coincidences. Also my mothers name us Rolanda, my ex ( not the loser) is named Roberto, my uncle is named Roger his wife is Robin and my husbands name is Robert. So Pisces and the Prefix Ro have played a signifigance in my life. Also please forgive my spelling i am on my phone and am cursed with fat fingers.

    4. You mention the "rage" or as my husband calls mine the "Irish Hulk". My father and mother were never together. Before I was born they had broke up. This was a blessing. My father is an alcoholic and I have seen him beat my 2 former step mothers. He knocked one out and she was a tough Brooklyn lady. She was not fat but she was thick and a lot bigger than my father. As an adult I think about how much more worse it could have been if my parents had stayed together.

      The only reason I am close to my dads family is because of my grandmother. She made it a point to include me. And after she passed my eldest aunt continued that tradition. She is a sweet woman, but has her issues. We all tend to have this "rage" on my dads side. I have been able to control mine for the most part. Unlike my dad and some cousins they always attacked others. I seemed to always attack myself or the nearest wall. I have not done anything like that in a long time.

      What i am dealing with now is learning how to quite the anger about my abuse. I have triggers i can not watch any movie or TV show that deals with the sexual abuse of children or anyone for that matter. I become angry and feel the hatred building up.

      So I try not to expose myself to those things. The furst abuser was my mothers step brother. He was like 12 when he started abusing me at 4. Him I have some what forgiven because I am pretty sure he was abused( does not excuse it) and I have heard about his karmic dues. So I tend to move away from him. But the second person was my grandmother s nephew. He was well into his 30s when he started abusing me. It was not persistent but the way he manipulated the whole situation( by initiating it through reminding me of the first abuse) is horrible to me. Its all horrible but he I believe us evil. His mother was my grandmother's sister. She was the nicest lady ever. Such a sweet woman whom we all loved dearly. Right before I told my mom my aunt had a heart attack and had triple by pass surgery. It was summertime and my mother asjed why i was wearing long sleeves. Well I had started self cutting. And she asked me what was wrong with me. I told her what happened she told my grandmother and she called her nephew. He had moved to Delaware state by this point and he begged us not to press charges and ysed his mother my favorite loving aunt as the reason."It would just kill her" and it probably would have. But as an adult i found out he had also done the same to his step daughter and step son. This angered me because he completely manipulated the whole situation to save his ass. This is where my anger is mist focused. I hope I never see him or anyone else do anything like that to someone. I am afraid that rage will take over. So that is where I am at in my journey. I dont play the victim and ask why me? But I do seem to get caught up in my anger about the situation.
      Any advuce would be helpful 😊. Thanks Dan for your story.

    5. Hey Mooncub, the onlyHey Mooncub, the only advice i would venture to give is read the Buddha and Jung, the world's greatest psychologists (and that book i mentioned earlier Unholy Hungers, which is Jungian), and to listen to your paternal grandmother's final posthumous words to you. Otherwise i can only speak to my own path to where i have been, and still intend to write about that, so stay tuned. But right now i am in darkness again and more lost than ever. I can remember some of the landscape having seen it in the light, but not all of it. Being left alone in the darkness was always used in ancient initiation rituals, and i have found that "God" has his own initiations for his chosen, and we seem to get no choice in the matter.

      Although, we may have already chosen before we even incarnated. I had a precognitive dream a few years back, and a few days later when it came true, and after spending some time in the forest, i came home and turned on the tv just in time to see the "Oracle scene" in the Matrix Reloaded. In reference to Neo's own precognitive dreams she said "you are seeing the world without time". Later he says "i will have to make a choice?" She says "No, you already made the choice, now you have to understand it." The first time i heard this it seemed like nonsense, but considering i just had a prophetic dream and synchronistically walked into a scene about them shortly after it came true, which all hints that time does not exist... That is only the tip of the iceberg of strangeness that weekthink the Irish are closer to the mystical side. I am almost half myself. At my father's funeral a few years back i temporarily reconnected with his Irish family. One of his cousins told a story from shortly after her mother died. She had a dream where she was talking to her mother, and she could see her sisters in other rooms. Her sisters had the same dream, seeing her talking to their mother while they were in those other rooms. Shades of Jung's Collective Unconscious.

    6. [continued]

      I myself talked to my mother's mother in a dream after she died. I was laying down and tried to call my mother. Someone picked up and answered. It was an older woman, and i said again "mom" and heard my grandmother "it's not your mother." My throat squeezed shut, "choked with emotion". It was so real, and here i was talking with my dead grandmother. I got up and tried to say "grandmom" but my throat being squeezed shut all i managed was a croak. I swallowed hard and barely said "grandmom" and she said "yes hon". She started to talk to me, only some of which i remember. It ended when i woke up to a screech in the hallway. I was sitting just as i was in the dream. My cat who was in the room with me apparently heard it too. I went to check and all my other cats were downstairs resting. For months after when i thought about it, i would choke up like in the dream. When i spoke about my grandmother after that, i unconsciously used language that would indicate she was alive, that's how deeply it affected me.

      In sum, i have "seen the light" and probably none but those who have gone through a dark tunnel see it so clearly. Keep going, and "step through your shadow" (in the Jungian sense) and you may know peace, bliss, Nirvana, grace as i did. It is wonderful, and i remember before my current darkness it being worth it.

    7. As to those birthdays and names, not surprising to me. That 3/17 has a lot of significance as any long term follower of this blog knows. My cousin who i called Cam above, her birthday is 3/18, 17 days before her mother's birth- and death-day on 4/4.

      As to names, my uncle who was murdered was named Michael and died on July 30. My best friend was also named Michael and died (OD) on the 22nd a couple years ago. I was talking with Cam (whose father was the one murdered) while my friend's mother was sitting with his body, 3 blocks away, also 3 blocks from the house i am at now, where my mother also was at the time, and the same distance from the house where i grew up. In fact, where he died was the center of a circle where those 3 places would be points on the outer edge.

      I didn't even get into other interesting patterns with birthdays, like mine and my brother's. Days with significance. I have found many associations with my mother's birthday and death. Many who are 'chosen' may find similar patterns.

  52. 33: sorry about your friend. First instict is, 5g is up and wreaking havok. As far as the study of the occult goes, I have been talking about opening doorways (or the need for cohorts to not attempt do so) for a week. It seems everyone now is so immersed in the symbols from media etc, they are finding Crowley texts and haphazardly (and sloppily) performing rituals out of curiosity they simply have no business playing with... only the truly adept should play with such things and they all know what they're doing (relatively) so they take them very seriously. Being long time abductee n witch, I get quite a few inquiries into magick and my personal practices, and As of late, ive Heard quite a few stories of people messing with "keys of Solomon," doing ritual magic, trying to fkx w/enochian magic etc... and ppl have been asking me about my practices... and I've been having to tell them thay their horror stories and resulting catastrophic sequences of events (sad as they may be) are evidence they do not understand what they're inviting in, and unless they're adept (which if they were they wouldnt ask) its stuff they just should not to fuk with it.

    Thank you for writing about this... it is truly another indicator that what ive intuitively been feeling, no hallucinogens and no explanation of ritual magic is the rule... the adept "just know" and rarely use others rituals... n real magical systems should not be taught to lay people. Hence why These documents are intentionally lost or obscured from public... it was done for a reason. Let them keep their candles and burn their sage... but never show them how to open the doors. Yikes. It truly can be a disaster and come back in horrifying ways.

  53. 33: one other thing that comes to mind is Crowley and contacting the entity known as LAM. Always a point of curiosity for me. Supposedly, he was able to open a doorway to Lam (who could not look more like a gray alien if intentional) and he told the golden dawn cohorts how to do such things in ab 1917... N magically, (lol) they opened a door they could not close bc they were fucking with things that they simply did not understand... and the grays have been here and bringing weapons etc ever since... that's always been my theory anyways.

    but in all seriousness... and As relevant as you make things, connecting the dots for the less adept to see the obscured influences of the occult n it's synchs on our world... it is a dangerous gamble. One should Never underestimate the power of idiocy and curiosity to wield destruction on this planet. Dont wanna play Pandora... but I have a sneaking suspicion that is precisely the elite black magical intention with now openly amping up the presence of their sigils in media...

    Just a thought.

    As always, hope you're well.

  54. Dan and other writers, my heart sends hopeful vibrations to them what loves us and wants us to be happy for our healing and ultimate understanding. Forgiveness is a trickster too and so easy be a situation where I fail again and berate myself. Love and thanks to all for honest interchange of knowledge gained in vicious situations.

  55. Ann is a more recent friend of mine, who was my acupuncturist. She did tell me that she “nearly died” from giving birth to the triplets, had to have a transfusion, and then when she was out of the hospital (after less than a week, she said), threw a major clot and had to be taken back to the hospital. My thought is that perhaps she feels the babies tried to kill her (obviously filtered through a possible postpartum psychosis).

    She did always talk about only two of the children: one of the boys and the girl. She NEVER mentioned the other boy. That struck me as odd.

    Additionally, she did practice acupuncture at a store owned by witches (I saw her elsewhere, these witches were VERY messy) that sold mostly crystals and herbs, but was mostly focused on Wicca rather than anything darker. But the atmosphere in the store is ridiculously claustrophobic and quite oppressive.

    Anyway, I have known her for a much, much briefer time than you, but I am beyond shocked and can not reconcile these charges with the person I knew.

  56. I grew up with Ann. This is not the woman that I have known for 50+ years. Somewhere shit got really crossed up. She's been not only my close friend but also my acupuncturist and herbalist for years.
    I can't wrap my head around it. She was in love with those babies and always sending pictures of their smiles.

    1. And you never really knew her. Not closely. She used to treat Andrew horribly and was horrifically abusive. It was the weirdest situation I’ve ever seen and if you really knew her, you would’ve known her house was absolutely filthy and uninhabitable and this was years ago way before she married her second husband. Is nothing more than a psychopath who hid her evil and came off is very charming to those who really didn’t know her. What’s the bottom line. She was an excellent actress. I have known her since the early 90s and choose the meanest and most evil woman I have ever met in my life. She also has the capacity to be incredibly charming and manipulating which is exactly what a psychopath does and how they act. If she’s possessed by Demons, it’s been for a hell of a long time LOL she’s ruined those children’s lives and I don’t have much sympathy for her. Evil.

  57. I have known in for years and honestly, though it is shocking she would go to such a horrible extent, the woman that was shown on the outside, was not the real Anne and she has always been batshit crazy. Seriously disturbed and I don’t know how her first husband was able to take her extreme tirades and abuse.

    She is literally one of the scariest people I have ever met in my life and her home years ago in Ogdensburg was absolutely filthy beyond imagination. Like most narcissists and psychopaths, she can be quite charming, but there is a whole kettle of Fish that people simply didn’t know about as to how she was at home which was radically different then the fun person she presented in public. Like most narcissists and psychopaths, she can be quite charming, but there is a whole kettle of fish that people simply didn’t know about as to how she was at home which was radically different than the fun person she presented in public. She is probably the most mean and evil woman I have ever met in my life and that’s no joke.

    I am sure her attorney is probably trying to get her to plead PPD so that the court will go easy on her, but I can tell you that though the extent of her crimes is shocking, I can’t say that I’m really surprised. I cannot imagine the woman I knew years ago having children or even being allowed to be close to them.

    After the abuse I witnessed her launching onto her ex-husband, I can’t imagine how she managed to marry another man other than he really didn’t know exactly who she was as she is an excellent actress.

    Insured, this woman is evil and I can’t believe she is walking around town after doing what she did, which just goes to show you how much of a manipulator she is capable of being. I feel bad for the people who were acquaintances, and she had many, but didn’t really know her at all. She never had a shred of empathy or compassion for anyone and the Dula was absolutely right about her house smelling like cat piss/shit. Disgusting, there was cat litter everywhere, stench I have to ask yourself what in the hell was her new husband thinking because he had to witness this? What kind of idiot wouldn’t protect their own children from their spouse who causes their children brain damage and breaks their limbs? He is just as crazy as she is. I hope they both hands as they have destroyed these children’s lives forever and should be made responsible for their horrific actions.

  58. Very insightful post Chris! It is a shame to hear such news about one of our old familia....hopefully the truth will out and we will have to wait and see the outcome...