How miserable is this stinking new millennium? It's my little 'Nonnie turns 50 in October miserable. Kill me.
Yes, everyone knows the 21st Century is a bust. You know it, I know it, my dog knows it. Everyone complains about it, but no one ever does anything about it.
That is, until now...
Your friends at the Secret Sun Institute of Cultural Excellence have undertaken a brash and daring new program to beat back the 2021 blues. So pack up your favorite flannel because we're riding back to the Nineties, come hell or high water.
Since time machines don't actually exist we've got the next best thing: a year-by-year playlist of all the great 90s cuts you aren't so sick to death of hearing you're about to jab an icepick in your ear. You can grunge and rave it up until the break of dawn with tracks you love and tracks you are about to love. We're up to the seminal year of 1994 as of this writing, so you definitely don't want to miss it.
Here's just a small sampling of what awaits when you return to the warm embrace of Mother Nineties' bosom...
We're also soliciting your suggestions and will be assembling playlists based on them in days to come. So bust out your X-Files DVDs and Invisibles graphic novels and pump up the volume.
Don't forget that The Secret Sun Institute of Advanced Synchromysticism (soon to be rebranded as Sunchromysticism™) is taking applications from aspiring Sunchromystics®. There is an absolute embarrassment of new and rare material for your syncly studies, so don't miss out.
And if you ever get tired of wandering around the spiritual wilderness in search of living water, don't forget the Sibyl awaits with the key to all doors and the solution to all enigmas. Do you have what it takes to enter into the Voice of God's timeless mysteries? Do you really? Well, then you let me know when you're ready to stop running in circles and to start brushing away tears from the face of Infinity.
And since you asked, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life. There's never been anything even remotely like this. Ever. Heaven strike me dead where I sit if I lie.
Also, Heaven or Las Vegas.