Tuesday, December 04, 2018

Space/Gods: Bennu and the Jets

Lots of activity up in space this week, allegedly. And right on time we have some NASA guy talking about aliens and UFOs, which in turn will be followed by the usual walkbacks and denials. We all know the drill, we've heard it a hundred times before. It's how the NASA nerds get their little jollies.

I mean, I think it's kind of tired but the government doesn't give me tens of billions of dollars to piss away every year, do they?

Ironically, it struck me tonight that I have far more compelling evidence that UFOs are real than I do that NASA has ever sent a single scrap of steel out past the troposphere. I mean, I've gotten very good looks at flying objects (see masthead) I couldn't identify. Can you say the same about NASA?

OK, I thought not.

It's funny, I was thinking about Tom "Flopsweat" DeLonge and his To the Stars Academy boondoggle. And I was kind of wondering if our pal Tom and his entourage of lifelong intelligence agents and assets weren't in fact tasked to throw a nice wet blanket over the UFO thing, since it was starting to heat up again before Blinkyboy came along with his Third Phase of the Moon reject videos.

Given who's involved and who they ultimately seem to answer to, I wouldn't expect anything but shenanigans and tomfoolery. Then again, there's been an endless parade of suckers thinking they could get rich off UFOs.

But then again, most of those didn't rub elbows with Deep State power-players like Chris Mellon, Peter Levenda, Hal Putoff and Jim Semivan. So I'll stick with tonight's realization for the time being, if you don't mind.

Of course, Lockheed seems to have its little paws good and deep in Tommy D's cookie jar, which you'd kind of expect of this unimaginably powerful firm. And as it happens Lockheed are the real poobahs behind the OSIRIS-REX mission to Bennu-- I can't even type those words without breaking out into laughter, it's just so audacious-- which had a big day today. 

Is two billion kilometers still officially in our solar system? And how exactly did they spot this little thing, given the fact that's it not exactly what you might call large?

I can't say but I can say when they did allegedly spot it: On September 11, 1999.

No, I'm not kidding.

So now that that alleged ritual was allegedly completed, the CHEOPS space telescope can go about finding super-earths and, presumably, super-humans. Which super-humans might those be, you ask? 

Oh, I don't know; maybe the super-earths with the super-humans who may or may not have built the Great Pyramid.

You know, the one credited to Cheops. 

Bonus algebra equation: 12 x 3 = 2.0 x 18.

And just in case you didn't get enough Egyptian death-cult symbolism today, we find that Elon's rocket shop have a new sideline; launching the ashes of the dead into orbit.

Because space is an altar. But we've discussed that fact already, haven't we?

Hey, I've got what is either a great screenplay idea or a great conspiracy theory for you; what if OSIRIS-REX wasn't sent out to intercept Bennu but it's out there rendezvousing with some of these interstellar "objects?"

Like-- oh, I don't know-- delivering Earth's declaration of surrender or something? Or maybe picking up some fresh code for D::Wave. Or some cryogenically-frozen genetic material or whatever.

Hey, just spitballing here. What's your big theory already, Stephen Hawking?

Oddly enough I just rewatched Close Encounters of the Third Kind again and realized what it's actually about-- aside from humans being telepathically directed by aliens-- is aliens using music to communicate with humans.

What an interesting idea, when you think about it, since if the aliens thought our math and science were primitive then they might enjoy some of our record albums and such. Maybe some Margaret Keane paintings or Rod McKuen poems, too. An old Tim Conway comedy special, if the aliens still use VHS.

But I guess this "using music to communicate with aliens" thing isn't all that novel an idea, given the LP sent along with little V'Ger, the ones with the Brandenberg Concertos or whatever the fuck they sent. 

Because aliens have really sweet turntables. Bose, I think.

In fact, our friends at Forbes seem to believe that if the aliens ever come knocking on our doors it will be on account of them being major culture-vultures looking to enslave us all and eat us alive appreciate new and exotic forms of music and art.

So if there are any music-loving aliens reading this, I'd like to recommend you fellows check out a lovely little dream-pop combo from Sco...

...oh, you've heard of them already? Never mind, then.

Anyway, the Falkirk Triangle might claim it's the UFO Capital of Britain, but if you want to go to the UFO capital of America, don't go to Roswell this summer; go to beautiful downtown Hooper, Colorado. 

You can't miss it; it's off Route 17, because why wouldn't it be? Just bear right after you pass Fort Garlands Evergreen and the Sangre de Cristo Cornell Ranch.

On second thought, if that grim spectacle is the big attraction in Hooper you might want to keep driving-- assuming you haven't hurled yourself from a cliff at the utter futility of it all-- until you get to Devil's Triangle in Wyoming, where the big climax of Close Encounters of the First Kind was filmed.

You know, the part where humans and aliens learn to communicate using music as their language.

Here's a handy driving map for you. I think this would be the best route north. This way you can avoid the Denver-Aurora traffic.

Especially around Buckley Air Force Base. Yeah, I definitely recommend you avoid that route. The other way is slightly less snarled, I suppose.

Always doing our best to serve you here at The Secret Sun.