Friday, February 09, 2018

Go Go Vegas Go!



The floodgates are now open. All of the huge marketing and PR consulting firms have cashed their seven and eight-figure paychecks and the marching orders have all been handed out to the media. 

The word has been passed down from on high, and the word is "Vega." 

Of course, you can't really get too much mileage off of "Vega" itself without arousing suspicion, so "Las Vegas" and "Vegans" will have to do.

For now.




But even so, the messaging behind the memes could not be clearer. Aliens are always better in every way than stupid, primitive non-aliens, so of course, aliens are vegans! 

Plus, Vegas.


Meat-eaters are goddamn cavemen, vegetarians are OK, I guess, but fuck those guys anyway. Why? Because shut the eff up up and go Vegan, that's why. We're all superheroes

Plus, aliens.




I think whoever made this meme here didn't quite get the message. The third caption is supposed to read, "Letting the Vegas eat you." Typos. Don't they drive you nuts sometimes?



Translation: The Vegas have landed. They are here. This is their world now. Run. 


Dammit all, we missed Vega-nuary. I kept meaning to write about it but it's come and gone. Well, maybe you can still take the pledge to serve the Vegas.  


I think the photo editor goofed here, though. Understandable.


Vega-nuary did boost the Vega numbers in the UK. Or did OuMuaMua start sending out its landing pods already? Or maybe they hitched a ride here on the Falcon Heavy.


"The Future" again.

The Vegas are the FUTURE, bitches.



The future, but not for livestock farmers. Well, human livestock farmers, maybe. I hear that's a real growth industry. The Vegas are major foodies and love them some Spirit Cooking! With extra soy-cheese!


But look out; Vegans don't take any sh*t. They'll fuck you up. Even their women are badass. 

Because Vegans are always fucking starving. LOL jk


Vegaistas are going after farmers, coincidentally just as we saw in Zimbabwe. Which led to massive food shortages and the ultimate overthrow of the President. Well, after 40 years or so.

It's a simple and time-tested formula--get rid of the farmers, starve the population.

Hungry people are desperate and therefore easy to control in the long run. 

But that could never happen here, right? 


An autocrat could never seize control of the food supply 
in order to punish noncompliant populations, right?


Right?


Or is this just more divide and rule politicking by the Oligarchs, similar to the mind control that's literally driven so many college students clinically-insane?


Or is it just another new religion? And by new, I mean old.

Like Communism, which is suddenly all the rage with insanely hyper-privileged college students who have fed like pampered princesses on Capitalism's cream their entire lives.

You'll be the very first against the wall when the Revolution comes, kiddies. You do understand that, right? 

Oh, that's right; you don't learn real history anymore. Sorry, sometimes I forget.

Carry on.


But it could all be a psyop, just a way to atomize the population further while bashing that All-Important "Vega" thought-contagion into everyone's brainpans.

You know how I'll be marking my ballot.


Like here. And you can damn well bet the plant-based farm those Vegas have "outlined their global expansion aims," all right. 

Outlined them right down your fucking throat, Dr. Zaius. How do they taste?



The Vegas have even set their sights set on chip-making monopoly Intel. Who, wonder of wonders, have run into a spot of bother of late. 


Astonishing coincidence. Look at my shocked expression.


Even hideous transgenic freaks are hopping on the Vega bandwagon.

No surprise it's the Orange one, right? Cowabunga, Michel-Orange-o!


You may have missed it but Kentucky residents were asked to wear blue and Orange (translation: mostly Orange) in memory of a school shooting at a high school there. 

"Asked" in air-quotes, of course. They know what's good for them down there.

While we're at it how many causes have wearing Orange been attached to by now? I seriously lost count.


Even the crocodiles are wearing Orange and they're crocodiles.


Speaking of increasingly-compulsory ritual genuflection, the Siren Song is coming to your town tomorrow, Perthites. (Perthers? Perthians? Katy Perthies?)

Make sure the funeral homes stay open, Perth. No joke.


Speaking of Horrors from the Deep, there's a new breed of self-cloning mutant crayfish that are taking over, apparently. And wouldn't you just know it, no one can possibly imagine where these little darlings could possibly have spawned from! 

Why, it must be evolution! Darwin, though art revenged!

And by "evolution," I mean "black-budget CRISPR mega-labs." I get the two confused sometimes. Don't you?


Speaking of the Mengele Effect, Luciana Vega drew a big, big crowd at Amy Bishop's old stomping grounds, Huntsville. And by Amy Bishop, I mean Wernher Von Braun and his Peenemünde City Rollers.

Because those SS men were really hired to take us to the Moon in tinfoil-wrapped tinkertoys. Had nothing to do with Redstone Arsenal right next door or anything. Nothing to do with genetic engineering or bioweapons or anything unseemly like that.


And there's the Anno Lucis Vega herself! Love those Pearl boots and dropped-Pearl necklace there, Anno Lucis! Current!


And don't forget everyone's favorite Pearly Dewdropper, Danielle. Played by the incomparable Charlotte Vega. 

Hey- don't eat that dog, Vega! ;-) lmao


Danielle Vega, not to be confused with that "Fantastic Woman," Daniela Vega. Are you getting the message, you nonplural beings who self-identify as toxic masculines out there?


You're doomed. It's over. Dustbin of history for you, then.

Go on. Away with you. Go die already.


Wait- don't go anywhere yet, Conan. We need your filthy tadpoles for the 3-parent babies.

But who are the "third parents," you may ask?


The Vegas, stupid! They need to acclimate their genes to our savage realm. Get in the bathroom and start spanking. There are some magazines under the sink.

And in case you never bothered to look at depictions of angels going back, oh I don't know, forever, the Vegas look a lot more Danielle and Daniela Vega than Danny DeVito Vega. Quite a lot more. 

Yeah that's Michael, Gabriel, Raphael and Uriel up there. Deal with it, Urko. 


What; you never noticed the Angels all look like Byzantine housewives in ancient icons such as this? Don't go all crosseyed at me- go look. I'll wait until you get back.

Good, you're back. What, you're shocked? Seriously? I mean, haven't you ever been contacted by the Ashtar Command? Get with the program, Fred Flintstone!


No, that's not an 80s hair metal band. Who do you think gave all those idiots their makeup tips?

That's right; Vegas.



Speaking of terrible music, I was reminded by a studious reader that Mark Hoppus and Travis Barker of Blink182 formed +44 after Tom DeLozenge ran off to hang out with John Podesta and his merry men. 

Hoppus' dad was a missile designer for the US Navy, so odds are good he's been read in to the All-Important 44. At least the broader strokes.


The All-Important 44, wheneth what hath Fallen shalleth riseth once moreth.


Speaking of Rose, the Pearly Dewdrop, this is a tragic story but rather interesting. How is it interesting? 

Well, if this woman died on Wednesday why was it reported as a suicide on Thursday? Editors are usually a bit more circumspect than that. 

Has there been an inquest? Was it done down at the Quickee Inquests4U ("Suicide verdicts in 20 minutes or less or your money back™") on Sepulveda?

Those guys have made a couple mistakes in the past, you know. Don't take their word as gospel.


Moving east a bit, we see that the Two Witnesses reached the 32nd floor of the Vega Hotel without permission.

Don't worry, they were were captured by the G4S men and taken to the subbasement which is called Sodom and Egypt, where the Vega torturers peeled away their flesh in layers so thin they were actually transparent, and then started in with their subcutaneous nerve endings. 

They were still at it, last I heard. The Dark Heralds of the Endless Abyss will be singing hymns to the sublimity of the interlopers' suffering for millennia to come.


And in case you were wondering, Vegas has gotten hip to the OA tip. I was getting a lot of emails asking when they'd get around to it. It's been on everyone's minds. The wait was killing me, too.


Oh, if you haven't heard already, floors 31, 32, 33 and 34 of Mandalay Bay have been renamed 56, 57, 58 and 59.

They may have well called them Bob, 237, $&@# and Tunafish Sandwich, for all the sense that numbering makes, at least to me. Because I don't worship the Two-Hundred. So I didn't get the new Keys.


And the Farce rolls on, with this story based on the word of an unnamed call-girl who kinda knows this other unnamed call-girl a little, OK, and she goes, like, I mean:


"Government experiment?" Oh, you mean like Orion Krause, twenty-three days before Las Vegas? OK, that at least makes some kind of sense.


Even so, I don't know what to make of this horror. Is this just more Giuliani-esque urban renewal or do the Keystone Feds need to turn all the cameras away from Mandalay Bay?

This is reminding me a bit of the Tampa shooter back in the Autumn, but I have to say that "black SUV" part of the story sounds a little bit too "security firm motor-pool" for my liking.


Well, where was this when we needed it back in September, right? Ever notice the draconian surveillance measures never seem to stop mass shootings? It's going to get all Puppet Masters on us before this nonsense cycles out on us, don't you think?

I mean the Heinlein novel, by the way.



Say, did you hear that scientists identified "anxiety cells" in the brain? It's true; scientists turned them on and off. 

But mostly on.



"Patent mind control?" Precious. It's like fish trying to patent the ocean. But hey; gotta love that media disinfo, eh? Quite tangy, indeed.



Speaking of which, funny that the Precrime logo is the same "trinity" shape as Mandalay Bay, eh?

Funny stuff.

Programming note: we're going to dive into Minority Report soon and dive deep. And it's going to get extremely Frasery around here when we do, so just be advised if you need to stay off the Internet that week. 

Hey; quit hollering at me. I don't put all that stuff out there. Blame the Cult of Frase. They're the ones trying to make my OCD go critical. I think I ran over their dog without realizing it or something, because this shit is balls crazy. Really.

Seriously, I think D::Wave was running around the clock on this one. Invest in Freon™! 





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