Tuesday, April 04, 2023

Agenda Beer, or Knowles' First Law Confirmed, Part 29,821


Kid Rock, looking a little more than two sheets to the wind, took aim a few cases of Bud Light to show his unhappiness with Budweiser's new spokesmodel. It all comes off as simultaneously ridiculous and malevolent, which ironically is how Budweiser's new spokesmodel comes off as well.

Drinking Bud Light is its own punishment - O'Douls laughs at Bud Light - but the outrage from self-proclaimed Budweiser drinkers (or Buttwiper, as we used to call it back in the day) claiming Anheuser Busch was driving away customers (again, Bud Light is piss-colored club soda - what the f*ck are you drinking it for?) is a bit rich. 

It all was countered by some randos on Twitter claiming Bud Light is big in gay bars, on account of some ancient tiff with Coors back in the Eighties. 

Who knew? 

I can also say it's interesting this kerfuffle is kicking off the month of Aphrodite, seeing as how the priesthoods of goddesses in her lineage were similarly of the, uh, sacred feminine persuasion.

In any event, I'm beginning to wonder if we're in the midst of a major Sorcerarchal pop-up ritual shitstorm, with the Covenant School shooting leading into the Kalu Day of Vengeance, leading into Bud Light's new Galloi spokesmodel, which led into the Stations of the Don taking place in Manhattan today. For Holy Week, no less. 

But that's neither here nor there. Because my question is why anyone would assume a brewery like Anheuser Busch would be some paragon of traditional morality? 

Especially the Budweiser brand.

My friends, what we're seeing is Knowles First Law - that is, "Whenever a controversy over symbolism erupts in the media, it's usually disguising a completely different symbolic message altogether" - confirmed yet again.

And the message being disguised? 

Oh, it's a doozie, kids. Quite a doozie indeed.


Hey, you know that Anheuser Busch eagle? 

You do? OK.

Ever wonder what it represents?

Well, according to AB themselves it stands for Zeus (or perhaps Zeus Ammon, the secret god of kings and conquerors) taking the form of an eagle to abduct and have his way with a very young boy called Ganymede, from whom the term "catamite" is drawn.

The ancients wrote this in the stars in two different ways: first as Aquarius, the Water-Bearer (giving new meaning to the "dawning of the Age of Aquarius") and as Antinous, a now-obsolete constellation depicted as being abducted by Aquila, the Eagle.

Budweiser honored Ganymede's abduction, rape and murder (what "being put in the stars" actually means) with advertisements, framed prints and even a Ganymede steiner.

This wasn't a one-off, but an obvious and extensive exercise in corporate branding. It was a different time back then, granted, but the association with Ganymede and child molesting was ancient, widespread and well-documented. 

Further, AB's logo is unmistakably stellar, with the Eagle as Aquila and the big star as Altair. I'd guess the "A" stands for Antinous.

The fact that the Eagle stands above a shield confirms that, as it mirrors Aquila's (and in antiquity, Antinous) position above Scutum (the Shield).


So, what kind of message was Anheuser Busch sending?

I can't rightly say, but I wonder if Rainier Beer was making the same statement. Just a bit gender-swapped, is all. 

At least, presumably. Don't cancel me, bro.

The same statement might be gleaned from this Coors ad from 1982. 

What, don't believe me?

Have you watched E.T. recently? I guarantee your next time will be the last time you ever do. 

Don't touch that dial; surely more madness to come. 

Getting some major Wicker Man vibes lately, though I can't rightly say why just yet. It will almost assuredly become clear before the month is out.