Orgasmic Obelisk Rituals Ring in 2018

One thing you can take to the bank: Dubai is not to be outdone. 

When it comes to ringing in the New Year, the sheikhs of UAE will spare no expense when it comes to illuminating their sacred phalli.

And speaking of the Nephilim, Heaven or Las Vegas kicked in their own obelisk ritual with the Stratosphere Tower, the tallest observatory in the US. 

Because size matters to the Vegas.

Perhaps being a bit too woke for something as toxically-masculine as illuminated obelisks, Sydney instead went for the ever-popular All-Seeing Eye firework display, an image familiar to longtime Secret Sun readers. 

This year didn't augur well for the Upside Down Under, however; there was a fireworks snafu during the ritual. This is the kind of screwup that would have ancient pagans flooding the temples, sacrificial piglets in hand, pleading for the mercy of the gods for days on end. 

Keep an eye on Sydney this year, is all I'm saying.

Especially since there was another bad omen in Oz earlier in the day when a seaplane crashed in Cowan Creek in Jerusalem Bay.

As if "Jerusalem Bay" weren't symbolically-loaded enough, Cowan Creek gives us another semiotic itch to scratch. Cowan isn't a very common word- it refers to an "unworthy craftsman" in Freemasonic lore.

Yeah, I'm kind of wondering the same thing you are.

The Kiwis really went for the obelisk jugular with this illuminated moneyshot for the Novus Anno Lucis.

Conversely, London chose to rock the emergent "OA" meme with their own rituals. 

Masonic Manhattan rang in the New Year as per usual with the old ball-dropping ritual in Time Squared. Ryan Seacrest did something or maybe it was Anderson Cooper or someone.

No one cares.

Seattle celebrated New Year's with this dazzling bukkake display. The fireworks designers were told to make it look like the Space Needle was a tech executive firing off on a trafficked sex-slave "from a war-torn country. Anything with ‘will work for food.’”

Fellow sex-slave hotspot/Cylon-hive San Francisco chipped in with this charming visual.

Paris may well have made best-in-show with this illuminated Eiffel Obelisk. 

Don't know yet if President Jupiter was there to soak in the sacred phalli's arcane energy. I thought I heard there were some zesty blood sacrifices going on under the Louvre Pyramid that he didn't want to miss out on. But don't quote me on that.

Conservative Kuala Lampur played down the more explicit phallicism but staged their sacred moneyshots near their Twin Towers.

Likewise, Pyongyang was a bit more demure with their illuminated obelisk symbolism. But seeing that we're talking about a city with a giant zombie pyramid, you just know the North Koreans weren't going to miss out on the phallus-worship phestivities.

Nor was Tokyo. 

Now, I'm not exactly sure when this exploding obelisk symbolism became the central motif for New Year's celebrations. I certainly don't remember seeing it when I was a kid. But these days, it seems to be practically mandatory if you're a major city in the Novus Ordo.

If exploding obelisks are too much for your serfs citizens, you can go with the more modest illuminated obelisk, as they did in Madrid.

Accent on the "practically." Rio De Janeiro nixed the orgasming obelisk approach and went for old "seen from space" chestnut. 

Reports have it that the Vegas gazed down on the display of submission quite magnanimously and are even considering crossing the Brazilian metropolis off their plasma-cannon target list. Watch this space for updates.